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24 February 2009 @ 10:08 pm
[Fanfiction:] Fade into the Background Chapter 7  

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Banner by [info]naomi0211 ♥


Title: Fade into the Background  //You can't lose what you never had//
Pairing: Akanishi Jin X Kamenashi Kazuya (Akame to make it short XD) //KAT-TUN//
Genre: Romance, some Angst, lots of Fluff
Rating: PG-16 for the end of the chap!!!
Disclamer: Do not own them. If anybody I'd like to own Ueda. But well... one can't have everything, right?
Summary: Kazuya is getting married and while watching him from the background Jin suddenly remembers their story. His thoughts are going back in time and he starts to regret and realize....
A/N: First of all: English isn't my mother tongue, but I tried my best and since I'm living in the UK at the moment I'm pretty much used to write and speak it. But you're welcome to correct mistakes. 
Is there something like PG-16 even existing? I don't know, actually. But this is so not PG-13 anymore and I guess for the next chaps I will even have to go up to NC-17.
Other than that... it's bittersweet this time and I hope you'll like it!
Previous Chapters:
First Memory: A Winter Illusion 
Second Memory: All I want for Christmas...
Third Memory: Broken Promise
Fouth Memory: Losing Faith 
Fifth Memory: Confessions

First Flashback: Still on my Mind

Sixth Memory: Missing


Seventh Memory: Powder Happiness



He had to do something about it.

How could he leave Kazuya thinking it had meant nothing? How could he have made him leave? Why didn’t he hold him back?

Jin just wanted to make up for it; sort things out between them. But that was more than difficult. He wasn’t the type to tell others his feelings, to let them know what it was going on in his head. And in his heart.

Sighing he threw a look at Kazuya, who sat a row behind him in the car together with Nakamaru and Junnosuke. The brunette seemed all relaxed and normal; his laughter wasn’t any different from usual, his eyes were just as bright and awake as Jin knew them. It didn’t seem as if he was depressed or thoughtful.

Was it just Kazuya’s talent as an actor after all, or was he really that calm?

Jin was sure the other one was hurt, he had looked so hurting that morning; he couldn’t have gotten rid of it so easily.

As he noticed that Koki was watching him from his side, he turned around again and stared out of the window.

Ueda was listening to music and the other three were talking, joking and laughing.

“Were you awake this morning?”

Jin lifted an eyebrow. “As loudly as you were crushing my door open, I suppose no one could have been asleep in the whole hotel anymore.”

Koki gave him a short grin. But then he started to fidget with his necklace and seemed to be in search for the right words. “I meant…. Before that.”

If he had missed that moment, Jin was sure he could have also just died instead. “No. Why?”

Koki quickly glanced at Kazuya, and then he faced the seat in front of him again. “Well… no, just asking.”

“Ah.” The older one turned his head again, away from Koki. He had definitely seen it. Koki knew Kazuya had kissed Jin this morning, even though that kiss had not even last a single second.

But that was not really the matter now. Even though Jin liked Koki--- they were friends after all--- he couldn’t feel pity for the other one. In his mind, Koki had to understand that he had already lost to Jin. Kazuya had decided already.

But right now Jin didn’t feel glad about that at all; just because he was too stupid to get a hold of the younger boy.

He would probably wait until they were alone for a minute or grip him and take him aside to talk.

They definitely needed to talk. But Jin just didn’t know what to say. Should he just tell Kazuya that he liked it? That he didn’t mind? That he wasn’t disgusted of it as Kazuya apparently thought?

It was too difficult for Jin; he wasn’t used to that at all.

It wasn’t like he was used to love problems, however. Since he was an idol there hadn’t been much time left for him to start a serious relationship, anyways. He had dated a few girls, but not because he seriously loved them, not even liked them too much; only because it was common and he had felt like he just should date someone before rumours would have come up about him never been seen with a girl.

But everything was so different in Kazuya’s case. They had known each other for years now and he knew the brunette like no one else. So how came he had just noticed now that he seriously loved the other one?

Had Jin probably taken it too easy? Had he just always seen Kazuya as a given; someone who was always there?

He had never realized what would be if Kazuya wasn’t.

Jin gave him a look again and automatically their eyes met. Kazuya really was a good actor after all. But Jin could still see he was hurt; those hazel eyes couldn’t hide it from him.

So this time he didn’t break their eye contact, but Kazuya did; his mask fading a bit as Nakamaru told him something and he faked a laugh.

Jin had never properly realized how much the younger one meant to him. But if Kazuya wasn’t there, Jin was sure he’d be lost and not himself anymore.

He had to think of something, because he didn’t want that to happen at all.



It was an indoor shooting, Jin thought, so how came he didn’t have any spare time to at least ask Kazuya to spend the evening with him, so that they could talk?

And how came that apparently everyone needed to talk to him? He didn’t have a single second on his own. Everyone had something to tell him, show him, important things to do around him, about him; except for Kazuya.

Usually they had so much spare time that they could even take naps. But today it was just so busy; probably things were just different in New York.

Jin almost glared at Junno, unconsciously though, while the taller one told him something he had just heard. He didn’t even take any further notice of Kazuya sitting down next to him, until the younger one’s arm touched his and Jin turned his head in confusion.

For a moment he just stared at the brunette, noticing that today their both hair looked quite similar to each other’s and then shifted a bit to make more space for him.

“It’s okay.” Kazuya just said. “I don’t mind being that close.” He said and then lifted his head again, looking at Jin and blushing a bit, as he realized what he had said. “I mean… I didn’t mean it that way… like I would…”

The older one couldn’t hold back a smile. He would have even considered Kazuya as cute in that moment; so lost for words and kind of embarrassed. “I don’t mind it, either.”

“I’ll get myself something to eat.” Junno let them know and stood up then; leaving those two alone.

Even though there was so much space next to Jin now, he remained where he was, next to Kazuya and as close as they were.

This was the moment, he could ask the other one now to come over this evening. He’d definitely make up for it.

But it was Kazuya, who spoke up first. “Ne, Jin.”

Jin looked at him, a little nervous suddenly.

“Thank you.”

Confused Jin turned to him a little more. “Why that?”

“Because you’re not mad at me and still so kind.” Kazuya didn’t dare to look at him, still. He was fidgeting with his fingers and slowly moistened his lips. Before Jin could answer, however, he continued. “Even though I’ve embarrassed the both of us this morning.”

Jin could just stare. Embarrassed? Did he really think that? Was he really embarrassed about it? Nothing else?

Say something, Jin thought. Tell him it’s not like that. But his tongue felt so numb, and his heart so cold, it even hurt because of what Kazuya thought.

“I don’t know what happened and why I did that, honestly. But it won’t happen again.” Now Kazuya lifted his head to look at Jin and smiled slightly. “Promise.”

How could he say something like that? Jin didn’t understand how the other one could look at him like that and yet didn’t see anything. Didn’t he see how badly he pained Jin right now? How much he hurt him with that?

“Kazuya.” He said in a serious voice then and caught his look, kept him looking at Jin’s eyes to not just hear, but also see the truth. “You don’t really think---“

“Kamenashi-kun, it’s your turn!”

Their eye contact broke and Kazuya just hesitated for a second before he turned his head and looked at the photographer. Ueda was just leaving the set and next one to take shots of would be him, Kazuya.

He stood up and turned to Jin once more. “It really wasn’t meant serious. Let’s just forget that, alright?”

Jin couldn’t do anything else but to stare at the other boy as he left.

Not serious? Why had he even done it then?

Jin seriously wanted to crush something right now. Hit some one or just kick something across the room.

Not serious. Of course all this was serious. Kazuya had kissed him, goddammit, and he would make sure to feel those soft lips on his own once more. And this time for real. This time with both of them fully awake and aware of what they were doing.

But before that he needed to make Kazuya understand that he hadn’t done anything wrong. That it was not just him being in love.

At that moment Jin suddenly calmed down, not even noticing himself observing every single move Kazuya made.

What if Kazuya really wasn’t in love? What if he really hadn’t taken that serious? He probably just had kissed Jin to tease him, or to try what it was like to kiss a boy. After all he had thought Jin was sleeping as he had kissed him.

But would he have looked that hurt then afterwards?

Jin was sure it must have meant something to Kazuya as well. Back then already, when he had begged Jin to stay in his bed, to sleep by his side.

If Jin wouldn’t mean more than a friend to him he would not have asked for that, would he?

Right now he just really wanted to get rid of all those questions and doubts in his head.

He wasn’t even able to think of anything else. The thoughts just kept running through his mind.

Jin figured out that the only way of getting rid of these feelings was to make Kazuya stop making up his own stories of what was going on. He had to make things clear and tell Kazuya what exactly was going on.

But apparently that was not that easy to do, since he had to do his solo shooting after Kazuya had finished his and after that they had a group shooting.

Time ran fast and before Jin had realized it, it was almost evening again and he still hadn’t made it to catch a moment alone with Kazuya yet.

“Tomorrow evening we’re not going to have time and then we’re already leaving again.” Nakamaru pointed out, after they were done. “Let’s all do something together tonight.”

Junno nodded. “Sounds great! We should have some fun. Who knows when we’ll be back in New York.”

“Hopefully soon.” Jin answered.

“But all of us together?” Kazuya shrugged his shoulders at Jin’s words. “That won’t happen too soon.”

“What are we going to do then?” Ueda wanted to know, in a high mood.

“We should go out for Dinner and celebrate together.” Koki implied.

“That’s good for the starters; we’ll see what else we’re going to be in the mood for.”

With that Nakamaru went first and the others followed him.

It really wasn’t that Jin didn’t like to be with them; they were all friends and got along quite well, so he usually enjoyed spending his time with them, but right now he just wanted to be alone with Kazuya.

Was it too much he asked for? Just a few minutes would have been enough.

It seemed everyone and everything lately was just against him.

Though, that evening he really enjoyed being with the others. After a while everything went just back to normal for Jin. Of course he couldn’t forget about what was troubling him, but for a while he could put it into the background and stop to worry about it that much.

“Okay, Junno, be honest.” He said and leaned in. Everyone was giving Taguchi curious looks. “How far are you two, you and your girlfriend?”

Junno seemed a bit shy first, but then gave grinned. “It’s none of your business, guys.”

“Sure it is.” Koki just answered who sat next to Jin. “You’ve been dating for quite a long while now.”

“You think so?”

“Aaah!” Nakamaru leaned back and grinned at the taller one. “Of course we can’t know exactly when everything has started. But it’s been quite long since we found out.”

“Mhm.” Junno nodded and calmly continued to eat. “I guess so.”

“Have you kissed yet?” Koki asked without any hesitation.

Jin’s and Kazuya’s eyes met for the fraction of a second; then both of them turned their looks down, pretending not think of what had happened in the morning.

“Of course we have.” came Junno’s answer and he seemed feeling a little uncomfortable now. “Could we change the topic now?”

“Of course you have!” Nakamaru repeated. “Of course, he says! Don’t tell me you even already…”

Junno looked up from his meal, staring at Nakamaru. “That’s really none of your business.”

It was Koki who got up from his seat, leaning over the table and staring into Junno’s face. Nearly everyone in the restaurant was looking over now. “Eeeeeeh? So you really did it?”

Ueda tagged Koki’s sleeve, forcing him back to his seat. “Koki, everyone is staring; could you please…” 

“Oh.” Koki looked up and around, slightly bowing and apologizing in English.

As he sat down again, Jin leaned back, nipping at his glass of Coke. “Seriously, you guys can be so annoying.”

“It was you who started that topic.” Kazuya said with a grin and Jin gave him a look.

“But I just asked. I didn’t make everyone stare at us.”

Nakamaru took his fork, cutting a potato with it. “They are staring anyways. We’re talking in a foreign language.”

“That’s true, indeed. And we look different.” Ueda added.

“They’re staring because we’re idols and they’re wondering if it’s really us.” Koki said and the others laughed. “Honestly, I’m sure.”

They continued their meal in that high mood, until they decided to go back to the hotel, since it was late already and they had to get up early in the morning for the outdoor shooting.

Kazuya was going ahead with Koki and Junno, Nakamaru was shortly behind them, but once again ignored and Ueda and Jin followed in a distance.

“They’re such kids.” Ueda broke their comfortable silence after a while.

Jin chuckled at his comment. “But Nakamaru is older than you.”

“He’s the greatest kid of all.”

Laughing Jin hid his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “I think it’s Koki.”

Ueda grinned at that. “It’s probably both of them. But it’s surprising that it’s actually not the youngest.”

Jin looked at Kazuya, saw him joking around with Junno. “He’s so childish as well.”

“In a way we’re all childish. But I think for his age he acts quite mature in serious situations.”

“You’re not that much older, Ueda.”

The blonde smiled at him. “I know. I’ve just noticed.”

“Mhm.” Jin nodded. “You’re right.”

“Did you ever notice he doesn’t sleep while shootings or rehearsals. All of us take naps when we have time, no matter how loud it is. But Kame doesn’t.”

“It’s probably because he can’t sleep when it’s so loud.” Jin suggested.

“I thought so, too, but when I asked him, he told me he can’t sleep in a room full of people.” Ueda told him and rubbed his hands as they started to feel cold. “He said, not as long he doesn’t trust all of those people around him completely. I think that’s quite interesting.”

“Seriously?” Jin looked at Kazuya again and frowned. “I didn’t know that.”

Ueda shrugged his shoulders. “But it shows that he’s really not that childish and naïve.”

“So, then he trusts me.” Jin concluded in a quiet voice.

“That’s what I thought, too, this morning. But it doesn’t matter whom he shares a room with from us five, he always sleeps.”

Jin nodded and as they entered the hotel, the others were waiting in the lounge.

“Good Night, everyone!” Nakamaru said as he got his keys from the reception. “See you in the morning.” With that he went off and left the others behind.

Junno yawned and looked at Koki as he came back with their key. Together they left to their room and suddenly Jin noticed that he was all alone with Kazuya, since Ueda went to get their key.

“It’s been such a nice evening!” Kazuya said. “Don’t you think?”

Jin nodded. “It’s been a while since all of us have been out together.”

For a moment it remained silent and Jin figured out that there was nothing to talk about, so he should just make the first step, finally.

He looked at Kazuya who gave him an asking look and smiled slightly.

“Listen, Kazuya, about this morning…”

“Eh?” His expression changed; Jin could see uncertainty in his eyes. “You’re mad at me after all, aren’t you?”

Jin stared at him in disbelieve. He rubbed his forehead and sighed. “Why don’t you just---“

“Kame, are you coming or are you going to sleep in Jin’s bed again?” Ueda said from the door and looked at them.

“No, I’m coming.” The younger one went over to him.


“Let’s just forget it, Jin, okay?” he asked again and smiled. “Good Night.”

Jin really wondered what he was doing wrong.

When had Kazuya stopped looking seriously at him, listening to him? Understanding him?

Couldn’t he tell from Jin’s behaviour that he wasn’t mad, just confused?

Jin sighed and sat down in one of the big arm chairs, staring at the fireplace.

All he wanted was a chance; nothing more and nothing less.



“Okay, we’re going to part you; first in two groups of three people and then for the second part in pairs.” Someone explained after they had finished the group shootings outside. Jin leaned against the wall they were standing at and watched the floor, not paying much attention. But for the next sentence his interest were awakened and he raised his head. “We’re having Akanishi-kun going with Tanaka-kun and Kamenashi-kun. Obviously the other three are going together then.”

Jin’s and Koki’s eyes met for a second, and then both of them looked at Kazuya.

But there wasn’t much time left to even think about it, because they were leaded to a car, while Ueda, Nakamaru and Taguchi went to another one with another photographer.

It had been a nice day so far. The shooting of them all together in New York had been really joyful and funny. Jin had enjoyed it a lot. They had been able to do whatever they wanted, so that most of the pictures were more natural, without them posing or faking anything for the camera.

He was sure there would be a lot of nice photos in the end; photos that would show six good friends having fun together, exploring a new area together and fooling around with each other.

As the car stopped Jin raised his head again and saw that they had been brought to a big bridge, so he supposed the next shooting would take place here. It was windy and a little cold, but even though Jin liked it. The view was amazing.

“Kame, look over there! That huge building! Isn’t cool?” Koki tugged Kazuya’s arm over to the bridge’s railing and was all excited.

Of course it took over Kazuya and he leaned over the railing, watching the sight with a huge smile. “Just imagine what it’s like to be on top and look over the whole city!”

Koki was always capable of exciting Kazuya, Jin noticed and frowned at his sight. He wondered if Koki would suit the brunette better, if it would be better if he, Jin, gave up on his thought of captivating Kazuya for himself and let Koki have him.

Sure, Kazuya was not something to think of like a toy Koki and Jin were fighting for, but after all… he wanted Kazuya just so badly and couldn’t give up on him.

He’d be only satisfied if he’s gotten what he wanted.

“Okay, boys, lets start over here then.” The photographer said suddenly, after he had prepared all his stuff. Those are not going to be like the ones this morning. So, look into the camera, pose a bit, and just be cool. Alright?”

They all nodded and Kazuya and Koki went over to Jin.

They queued up at the railing, Kazuya first, Koki second and Jin third. The photographer started to take pictures and all of them just slightly changed their poses every few seconds.

But then Koki leaned in and placed his chin on Kazuya’s shoulder, making a piece sign to the camera and Kazuya laughed a bit.

Jin just glared at them.

“Akanishi-kun, what’s wrong? I can’t use looks like that, concentrate a little more.”

Jin watched the photographer and even pouted as he looked over the railing to not see what was happening in front of him.

They were led to the middle of the bridge then, and again, Koki was in the middle and everything started normal, until he started to get closer to Kazuya once more.

Jin just looked at them for a moment, then he turned and went over to Kazuya’s other side, so that the youngest one was between him and Koki now.

“Jin, what are you doing?” Koki asked and looked at him in confusion. The Photographer had stopped and just watched them with an eyebrow lifted.

“I’m just changing my position.”

They went on taking pictures and after a while Jin put his arm around Kazuya’s shoulders, leaning a bit in to him. It seemed natural, just the way he had done it in several shootings before.

It just didn’t take to long, until Koki as well came closer and tried to get Kazuya into his direction.

From then on everything lost its naturalness. You could see the determined looks in both Koki’s and Jin’s faces and the confused and a little embarrassed look in Kazuya’s. 

“Okay, I’ve had enough!” The Photographer said out loud suddenly and lowered his camera. “I can’t work like that.”

The three of them looked at him, realizing the situation just as Jin and Koki took a few steps away.

“My phone.” He just said and one of his assistants came over and handed it over. He turned around and went a few steps away, so that the boys couldn’t hear what he was saying.

“What’s up with you guys?” Kazuya asked and looked at the other two. “What were you doing?”

“Dunno…” Koki murmured, rubbing his head with one hand. “We probably overdid it a bit.”

Jin just stared in the other direction, his lips shut and his look indifferent, as if nothing had happened.

Kazuya sighed.

The Photographer shut his mobile phone and went over to them again, smoking a cigarette. “Okay, sweethearts. They are bringing Taguchi-kun over now. One of you guys” he pointed at Jin and Koki “is going to leave to the other two down there. Understand?”

“Eh?” Koki and Kazuya said in sync. Jin didn’t show any reaction.

“You can decide. So far we’re all having a break.”

With that he turned away and left the boys behind. Kazuya was staring at the other two, not really understanding what was going on.

“And now?” Koki asked.

“You’re going to change positions with Junno.” Jin answered, as if it was completely obvious.

“Why me?”

“Why should I? You started this farce.”

Koki pouted. “I won’t leave.”

“I won’t leave either.” Jin hid his hands in the pockets and gave Koki a cold look. This was what he was best at. Of course he was embarrassed of losing himself that far that he got unprofessional at work. But the only way he was able to handle it was to pretend he wouldn’t mind it at all; to be cold and rejecting.

“Then I will.” Kazuya suddenly said and the other two stared at him.

“No, Kame. We misbehaved; you didn’t do anything wrong.” Koki promptly said and shook his head.

Jin nodded. “He’s right.”

“But it doesn’t matter who of us is leaving, as long as it’s just not the three of us continuing. I bet you two worked well together when it’s Junno standing between the two of you.”

That was probably what Ueda had meant, Jin thought. Kazuya was always thinking of what was best for the band. When it came to work, to take things seriously, he was so mature.

“You know, Kazuya.” Jin said then and turned to them. “Why don’t you decide then? Just say who should leave.”

“What?” Kazuya seemed seriously shocked. “Why should I?”

“Because obviously, Koki and me both don’t want to leave. So if you decided it’s much easier than to wait until one of us gives in.”

Koki didn’t say anything and Kazuya was just shaking his head slightly.

“It’s okay, Kame.” Koki said then and smiled at him. “I will leave.”


“Don’t worry.” He threw a look at Jin. “I won’t let you make such a decision.” He turned around to go to the car that was waiting at the other side to bring him down to where Nakamaru and Ueda were. “See you later then.”

Again Jin had that indifferent look in his face. Why was Koki like that? Why couldn’t he just take that challenge? Everything would have ended if Kazuya had made his decision now. Of course he had picked the one he had more feelings for.

But this way Jin had the feeling he had completely lost without having Kazuya made a decision even.

He saw the younger one frowning as Koki went off and wondered if Kazuya was hurt.

They definitely had overdone it; of course Kazuya hat to suffer under their childish behaviour. But then, after all, Koki had been the noble, grown-up one.

It really was annoying.

But Junno had already arrived and as soon as everything was arranged again their shooting went on; this time without any delays, without any breaks and also without a single touch.



For some odd reasons the gods were finally pleasing him.

He was alone with Kazuya. No one else of the band was around; it was just the two of them.

And a whole staff team to take photos of them.

But that was okay, Jin thought and gave Kazuya a warm look as the photos of them were taken.

Again they had been allowed to do whatever they felt like and he could have some fun with Kazuya.

Apparently, the younger one wasn’t mad or reserved any more about what happened. And if he was he could pretend not to be very well.

At least he gave Jin those smiles he loved so much, treated him just as he usually did. They got along so well, that’s why Jin always liked to be together with Kazuya.

He didn’t have to act cool around him; he could just be himself.

“Okay, loves, that was just perfect.” Their photographer said pleased with what he had gotten. “We’ll bring you back to the indoor location where we’re going to take more pictures later.”

They both didn’t talk much as they were sitting side by side in the car a few minutes later. It had been nice outside; the sun had been shining so nicely and the park had been full of people.

It had been just the way Jin had always imagined it to be. He wanted to go there again, with Kazuya, in his spare time.

They arrived at the building where they had the previous shootings already and were led inside, and then the driver went out again.

“Is there no one here?” Kazuya asked as he sat down at the couch.

“They will bring the others over when they’re finished with their shoots, I guess.”

Kazuya nodded and leaned back, feeling a little tired. But he noticed Jin watching him, so his body stiffened, tensed even, and he rolled his head for a moment, before he gave Jin a look. “Ne, Jin.”

“Mhm?” Jin just said, looking away and trying to distract himself from the thought that he finally was all alone with the younger one.

“What was that about? I mean, today, with Koki?”

Jin moistened his lips and shook his head a bit. “Nothing. It was just…”

“To me it seemed as if you two were fighting.” Kazuya said calmly, taking Ueda’s DS that was placed at the table and opened it to randomly tick some things.

“Fighting?” Jin repeated. “Not really. What should we be fighting over?”

Kazuya continued the game, not answering, but then he shut the DS again and slowly looked at the other one. “It felt like you both were fighting over me.”

Jin was sure his look was saying everything. Kazuya must have seen that he was completely right with his suggestion. Jin swallowed thickly and then cleared his throat. “He probably likes you.”

He said it in such a quiet voice that Kazuya nearly didn’t hear it. “Koki?”

Jin nodded.

“And that’s why you thought you should do something? Protect me from Koki?”

Jin gestured vaguely with his hands. “I just didn’t want him to do something you wouldn’t like.”

“I see.” It remained silent and now Jin was sure Kazuya was mad. Why hadn’t he noticed that all the time, all the laughter in the park, the fun they had have together had just been faked? Then Kazuya continued to speak. “You didn’t behave any different from him, you know. I didn’t like the both of you then, but at least Koki pulled himself together.”

Jin felt his heart skip a beat. It was probably worse than he had thought.

“I always like to be around you. Aren’t we good friends?” The younger boy asked and leaned forwards, facing Jin with a serious gaze. “But Koki’s our friend as well and what you’ve said made me really sad and upset. How could you make me decided between my friends?”

Jin’s look became indifferent again; he built up that shield around him to let no one see his true feelings. To protect himself and also to not let Kazuya see how hurt he was.

Kazuya got up and went over to him. He wanted Jin to talk to him, he knew the other one wasn’t as open as he was, but Kazuya knew he was the only person the older one opened up to; the only one he showed his feelings to.

“What was that about Jin? What made you do something like that?”

Jin looked at him and his lips silently opened, just a bit. “He seriously likes you, Kazuya.”

The brunette gave him a frown. “How do you know? He just acted as usual.”

As usual. Kazuya didn’t even wonder over Koki’s behaviour. He just took it like that, as natural, given even. No wonder Koki had hopes, Jin thought and clicked his tongue a bit.

Kazuya sighed over that and pouted. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you lately.”

Jin threw him a look and Kazuya could even see how the other brunette’s self-control broke down. “You ask that?” He said in a sharp voice. “You ask what’s wrong with me after you’ve done all that to me?”

Kazuya just looked confused and made a step back.

“God damn it, Kazuya, that’s really not fair. Of course I’d do that. Koki likes you, he’s after you and I won’t give up.” He said, breathing harshly and getting closer.


Jin was in serious anger now and way too upset to mind what he was saying. Kazuya’s words had brought him into such anger that he couldn’t control it. “How can you say that, as if we were nothing more than friends?”

Kazuya shook his head and desperately tried to calm Jin down. “I thought we were friends.”

“But it was you who begged me to stay with you while you were sleeping and it was you who god damned kissed me yesterday!”

“But I told you that you shouldn’t mind it. I apologized for it. It meant nothing. And it didn’t even last a second, though.” Kazuya defended himself and took another step away from Jin.

But it couldn’t be helped. “That’s the problem.” Jin just said and in the next second he had Kazuya pushed to the wall and pressed his lips against the younger one’s.

Kazuya made a surprised and protesting voice, but Jin just stared into his eyes, gripped the slim chin and tilted his head.

With his tongue he opened Kazuya’s lips and made him take the challenge. They were still staring into each other’s eyes, but Jin could see how Kazuya’s darkened and his eyelids fluttered. Their kiss deepened as Jin pushed them further and bit Kazuya’s lower lip. He thought he was going insane as the younger one slightly moaned and lifted his hands to get hold of Jin’s upper arms.

He noticed how Kazuya started to return the kiss, his tongue slid over Jin’s, he tilted his head back a bit and he gave in completely and closed his eyes. The grip of his hands tightened around Jin’s arms and every now and then he moaned against the lips that were kissing his.

Jin loosened the grip he held of Kazuya’s chin and leaned back then, just a bit to look at the other one. His lips were red and swollen, wet even and Jin wondered how he should ever be able to sleep again with that image in his head.

“Don’t you dare again to say it had meant nothing.” He whispered and placed another peck to those lips.

Kazuya opened his eyes which were darker than Jin had ever seen them and stared and him. His breath was still heavy and he swallowed thickly. Then he managed a nod and blushed a bit. “So, that’s why.” He concluded. “You were jealous of Koki.”

Jin just lifted an eyebrow. His hand wandered down from Kazuya’s chin to his neck, softly stroking over the pounding vein there. “Not at all.”

Kazuya managed a smile before Jin leaned in again and their lips met once more. He slightly yelped, his breath hissing, but this time Jin’s lips were much more gentle. They both sank into their kiss and Kazuya didn’t protest as he felt Jin’s hand sliding down his chest, lifting the shirt he was wearing to touch the soft skin beneath.

He just opened his eyes and gave Jin an agreeing look, before they both slid down the wall to the floor, kneeling in front of each other. A groan escaped him as Jin’s hand stroked over his chest beneath his shirt and Kazuya leaned against him, trying to get more of it, feel more of Jin’s touch.

A door fell closed with a loud noise and both of them pulled back.

Jin quickly got to his knees and Kazuya tagged his Shirt down again throwing Jin a look and taking his hand to stand up from the floor. Just as he stood again, Ueda entered the room and Koki followed.

“Yo!” was all Ueda said before he sat down and took a magazine.

Koki on the other hand remained at the door frame and stared at them. Kazuya blushed and avoided looking at him while Jin’s face just showed that indifference again, but he was still holding Kazuya’s hand.

“Nakamaru and Taguchi will be here soon as well. They’re brining something to eat before we go on with the shooting.” Koki said before he went over and sat down as well, pretending nothing was wrong.

Kazuya swallowed thickly, but the grip of Jin’s hand was soothing before he let go, so he managed a smile.

Jin could still feel how fast his heart was pounding in his chest.

He had won, and after all it seemed they had made the last step. They weren’t just friends anymore; they were on their way to become lovers.



On their way back to Japan, Kazuya was sitting next to Jin this time. Shortly after the plane had started off, Kazuya had fallen asleep and now his head was resting at Jin’s shoulder.

Again, Jin had that indifferent look in his face to not let anyone see how happy he was.

He stayed awake until everyone else was asleep as well; then he turned his head from the window to look at Kazuya and smiled warmly before he placed a loving peck to the younger one’s hair and took his hand.

This was exactly how it should be, he thought as he slowly drifted into sleep as well.

It was all he had ever wanted.

Mood: annoyedannoyed
Music: Hansons- If only...
雅琳blazingeternity on February 24th, 2009 08:46 pm (UTC)
*s i g h s* <3
So when I saw this chapter was up I rushed to finish my pudding and threw on some (heartbreaking) cantopop and... seriously, what else do I need to finish off a day? *laughs*

I think I really, really hated Koki during this chapter... if I were Jin I'd seriously punched him in the face. -__-" And I couldn't decide... should I hit Kazuya on his head for being so oblivious of the situation and inattentive when it came to Jin... or hit Jin's head for not being able to pull himself together and speak it out right away? ;__; they just kept feeding the drama *hits both* >o<"

Honestly, I was a little afraid of this chapter because through the last ones I didn't only grow very fond of the story, but of Jin, too (*lol* "falling in love with a character" I fail so hard +.+)... and when that happens I'm naturally sympathizing like hell xD I really enjoy taking all the time in the world to follow this story - or rather say: Follow Jin's memories and feeling T___T;
*holds on to imaginary teddy* pure awwwww~

P.S. Ueda - coolest shit ever! Walking in just saying "Yo!" killed me x'DDD
雅琳blazingeternity on February 24th, 2009 08:50 pm (UTC)
OMG! I even forgot to thank you, how rude of me *headdesk*
Thank you so much, not only for this chapter *hugs you tightly* ♥
Shaina: Aibu cheekyyumiko_okahawa on February 24th, 2009 08:58 pm (UTC)
Shaina: Ueda look upyumiko_okahawa on February 24th, 2009 08:58 pm (UTC)
Aw, dear, thanks so much!!! And even without you thanking me (for whatever reason you should do that O_o) I always enjoy reading your comments so much, since you're not just writing: "Oh, that was good, I want to read more.", but you always leave me such proper comments with so much love <3

Haha, don't hate Koki <3 Koki is so cool, actually, but yes, in this chapter he had to take the role of the mean challenger, in some way v.v

Awww~ honestly? I am soooo glad to read that you like Jin that much! *laughs* Actually he's the one everyone should dislike, but that probably just comes later. Jin's just not the type to show feelings, I guess.
But I so know inside, in his heart, he's just as sensitive >.<

PS: Isn't he? <3 We love Ueda XD
雅琳: Maiccho ♥blazingeternity on February 26th, 2009 10:58 pm (UTC)
Well, when I'm still in the flow of the story I just like to say what goes through my mind, what it makes me feel and such xD so it often sounds pretty hyper and I can hardly say anything on technical details or style *laughs*
But I'm happy that it's still useful in one way or another ^-^"

Yes honestly XD Somehow I liked him right from the spot, the real one as well as the one in this story x3 Not showing feelings has never scared me off, maybe because I'm very good at being like that myself ^^ - rather the opposite, it fascinates me X'D

kynseidkkynseidk on February 24th, 2009 09:26 pm (UTC)
i actually wish things would go right, and kazuya wouldn't get married to some you-know-who. jin should really really get him back.
Shaina: Akameyumiko_okahawa on February 25th, 2009 11:37 am (UTC)
Thank you for reading and commenting <3

And yes, Jin should. The question is if he really will~ *löl* I hope so <3 ^^
(Deleted comment)
Shaina: Ueda sweetyumiko_okahawa on February 25th, 2009 11:46 am (UTC)
It's okay, don't worry about that! I hope you had a nice evening after all? <3

Thanks for your lovely words, my dear! I'm always so happy when you like it and tell that *löl* because after all it's still only your fanfiction, isn't it? ^^ So, you should enjoy it most!

and your grammar's not bad at all, don't worry! ^^

Love you <3<3<3
kat_newsgirl: akamekat_newsgirl on February 24th, 2009 11:17 pm (UTC)
Yea Jin and Kame getting together.
I feel bad for Koki though because he really likes Kame.
The whole battle over Kame during the photo shoot was awesome and Koki was made out to be the mature one and the one that would definitely win brownie points in my book.
Shaina: Ueda with Maruyumiko_okahawa on February 25th, 2009 11:50 am (UTC)
Oh, Koki gets some brownies from me as well, just ebcause I really, really like Koki <3 ^^

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! ^^
she /ʃɛ/fionnakreuz on February 25th, 2009 08:23 am (UTC)
Finally. Dammit. Haha. C'mon, still waiting for my Prodai twist! C'mon, Mr. Fairy~ Appear NOW! XD Thank you for the fluff. :)
Shainayumiko_okahawa on February 25th, 2009 11:55 am (UTC)
Haha, Mister Fairy is hopefully not going to appear XD But Pi is and who knows what he learned from Mr Fairy? XD

Your very welcome, thanks so much for your comment! ^^
LEXIErobileczuya on February 25th, 2009 08:25 am (UTC)
i hope they stayed like that forever.. <3
nice update. love it.
Shaina: Akameyumiko_okahawa on February 25th, 2009 11:56 am (UTC)
Thank you so much <3
kirei_shinigamikirei_shinigami on February 25th, 2009 10:52 am (UTC)
why did tat-chan have to butt in during the steamy kissing scene?

omg! they kissed! im dying!!!
Shaina: Aibu cheekyyumiko_okahawa on February 25th, 2009 11:57 am (UTC)
Very gooooood question v.v
To leave more of the fun for teh next chapters, I think *löl*

Thanks so much for reading and leaving me a comment again ^.^
bondage_soupbondage_soup on February 25th, 2009 11:27 pm (UTC)
I LOV IT (L) thanks for sharing again, and omg omg omg xD (L) i'm waiting for the next chappie ^^
Shainayumiko_okahawa on February 26th, 2009 04:52 am (UTC)
thanks a lot for your comment! I'm glad you like it! <3
brini0518: memoriesbrini0518 on February 26th, 2009 06:08 pm (UTC)
Awww, that chapter is great!! <33
I really enjoyed reading it, my dear! I really want to know what happens next... and I wonder why and how they started to drift apart then... well, I'm waiting for the next chapter! ^^
Shaina: Tesshi Smileyumiko_okahawa on February 26th, 2009 06:24 pm (UTC)
Kyaa~ I am so glad you liked it! I guess, you'll like the next one even better <3 ^.~ *hrhr*

Thanks so much much for leaving a comment again and taking your time to read! ^o^

Love yooou~ ♥
*hugs tight*
ღ~♥ Yuki ♥~ღkame_kiyumi on March 4th, 2009 09:04 pm (UTC)
uwah i am finally back for this chap.. haha...

and i am so happy to read that kame and jin are now on their way to becme lovers! XD

Please..... give them a chance ne~ ahahaha...

waiting for the next update... =D
Shaina: Tesshi OMG!!!yumiko_okahawa on March 9th, 2009 02:31 pm (UTC)
Wwwohaa~ thanks for all your comments!! ^^ I'm so glad you like it and keep up with the story! ^___^

I've just finished the new chapter and will post it right away~ giving them a chance as lovers ^.~

Thanks so much again <3
msdesireenmsdesireen on June 5th, 2009 11:41 am (UTC)
that made me more sad....
they love each other but things went wrong in the end and they missed each other again!!!
so much so that kazuya is marrying ANOTHER person...T-T

Ok...I am so sorry, I am so not myself...
I am getting too involved...

But that means you're a good writer to get me involved...^^
Thanx for sharing!!!
treegonometrytreegonometry on June 18th, 2009 05:39 am (UTC)
*grabs bakanishi and shakes him violently*
stop acting cool and just tell him already D<

Shaina: Ueda sweetyumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 06:13 am (UTC)
Haha, he actually manages something in the next chapter *löl* Or, well, Kazuya manages it, but Jin is not Bakanishi for once *lööööl*

Thanks for the comment <3 ^^
Nihonjin.Tensai;;Anjaela♥nihonjin_tensai on July 4th, 2009 08:50 am (UTC)
YAY <3333333333


About time Jin confessed! HAHAHA xDDDDD

LOVELY!!!!! i can't stop smiling :D

thanks alot:)