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10 May 2009 @ 07:06 pm
[Fanfiction:] Too Much (One-Shot)  
Title: Too much
Pairing: Tegomass
Genre: ANGST
Rating: Completely safe
Disclaimer: I wouldn't have to go to Sweden if I owned them, would I?
Summery: Tegoshi changed and didn't just lose himself in the progress, but also Massu

A/N: It's Tegoshi-centric.

That idea had been in my mind for months now. Certain sentences where disturbing me while writing on Fade Into the Background today and I figured I couldn't go on with that story if I won't write this down, finally.
It's pure Angst, but well...if the response is good and people want me to, I'll probably write a second part.
If I'm in the mood I'll probably do it, however, since this ending is quite heart breaking T_T Let's see how long I can live wth it XD

Have fun! *ironical laugh*


Too much, Tegoshi thought, probably meant that he had gone too far.

He wasn’t good in analysing himself; he had never been. But when it came to Masuda he had always thought he knew what to do.

Masuda was a gentle and understanding person after all, wasn’t he? He was always there for Tegoshi, would always have a good answer and was always capable of comforting him.

So, how came Masuda wasn’t here right now that he needed comfort the most?

Tegoshi sighed heavily as he got out of his bed and slowly walked down the stairs. No one was home, he was all alone. Tinny was sleeping peacefully at a big pillow in the kitchen and just looked up for a second, as he entered the room.

From the wall, his own eyes were staring at him. His mother had put the pictures of him up when they had started NEWS and they were still there.

Cute, awkwardly cute, was what came to his mind.

Innocent was what others would have called it.

But, staring at his own reflection in the window glass, Tegoshi thought that innocent was one of the things he had never been.

He had been shy and insecure, had had a bad taste in styling and no sense in using the spotlight, afraid of saying the wrong things or being rejected because of his weird humour; but he’d never been innocent.

With every passing year he had become more beautiful, more open, more daring. He’d been not just doing singing, but also acting and reporting. All that had given him confidence to show himself and not to hold back.

He had grown up so much and now he was even looking better when he just came out of his bed, his hair messy, his eyes tired, with dark rings beneath. But still prettier than the boy who smiled his biggest and most innocent smile from the poster.

As Tegoshi sat down and leaned against the glass window behind him, he wished he could be that boy again.

Of course, being an idol was what he always had wanted to be. He wanted to be right at this spot. Being called pretty and handsome, having millions of fans adoring him, being in front of the camera and have everyone’s attention.

That was what he was like, what he enjoyed most, but it wasn’t as satisfying as he had always imagined it.

He remembered the day when he had entered that big photo studio. It had just been about eight months that he’d been in the agency and when he had spotted the other boys, he couldn’t have done anything but to gulp down his fear and walk over to them.

“Who are you?” Nishikodo had asked with an unfriendly look.

Of course they hadn’t known him, how should they have? He’d been as remarkable as a corn of sand at a beach.

“Don’t take him too serious, he’s just like that”, one of the boys had reassured Tegoshi and whenever he remembered it now, Tegoshi was sure that that had been the moment when he had noticed Masuda had the nicest smile of all.

From then on, Masuda had been with him. He had slowed down to Tegoshi’s pace, had been with him, even though he could have been with everyone else in the band.

When Tegoshi had been about to give up and leave NEWS because he felt he was too weak, too slow, too goddamn normal for everyone else in the band, Masuda had been there to stop him.

Masuda had made him stay with just a single “Stay with me.”

So, Tegoshi had decided to stay by Masuda’s side and give his best to deserve that place.

Self-centred, Tegoshi thought, was what he was. That’s why he had forgotten about his reason to stay. Masuda had been by his side all the time, always watching over him.

But Tegoshi hadn’t noticed, his pace had changed and he had fastened it, forgetting to wait for Masuda to keep up with him.

They had used to go out together, to shop, eat, karaoke together whenever they had time to. Because of Masuda, Tegoshi had felt more carefree to be himself around the others, too.

If they had not accepted him the way he really was, he would not have been alone. Masuda would have caught him, would have been by his side, would have protected him.

But they had accepted him.

The band, the managers, the fans. Everyone had accepted him the way he was and they loved him; even spoiled him.

And Masuda had just watched him from the background, had smiled over his development, happy for him to be able to change that much.

Too much, Tegoshi thought again and tipped his fingers against the glass, watching the rain outside. Way too much.

They hadn’t been out together anymore, lately. Usually, Tegoshi would have stood over at Masuda’s place for a night, for no particular reason, just to be with him, to talk with him. They would have spent the night with stupid games, watching movies, dramas of the other members, concerts of Rock bands and fall asleep.

They’ve always shared a bed and when Tegoshi woke up in the morning, he found himself in Masuda’s embrace. Warm and comfortable, he would nuzzle into that embrace and go back to a slight slumber until they’d have to get up again.

Tegoshi hadn’t noticed, but he missed those times. The times when Masuda had been his very best friend.

By now, he used to go out whenever he had time. Of course, he had gone out before as well, practicing soccer. But in the evenings he would have returned to Masuda always.

He hadn’t done so in a while. He went out with other friends, to go to bars and clubs, to dance all night, drink in exclusive VIP rooms and polish his image of a playboy.

“It’s too much”, Masuda had said yesterday and in his eyes Tegoshi could have seen the pain. “You’re not the one I used to know anymore.”

Tegoshi had only been able to stare at him, not knowing what Masuda meant.

“We’ve somehow lost each other, Tegoshi, and I don’t think we can go back to were we’ve been.” He had turned his back to the younger one, leaving him behind. “I’m sorry.”

And with that in mind, Tegoshi sat at home right now, watching the rain outside the window and realizing that Masuda had been right. That he had made the older one suffer.

He had lost Masuda a long time ago and only because of his own selfishness he hadn’t even noticed.

His head leaned against the window and his gaze stared at nothing, his eyes teary. Usually, at this point, he would have called Masuda to tell him, because Masuda always understood him. Masuda would always come over and care for him, reassure him that things were going to be alright.

But things wouldn’t be alright ever again.

“Massu…” Tegoshi whispered, his voice shaky.

By graduating from the awkwardly cute boy to the handsome and pretty man, Tegoshi had lost Masuda.

The only person he had ever truly loved.

Thanks for reading. Comments are always ♥ ^___^
Place: home
Mood: mellowmellow
Music: KAT-TUN- 春夏秋冬
criminalscreamcriminalscream on May 10th, 2009 01:41 pm (UTC)
Poor Tegoshi :(
I loved it!
criminalscreamcriminalscream on May 10th, 2009 01:42 pm (UTC)
My short comment is first xD
Untitled - yumiko_okahawa on May 10th, 2009 01:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Guerilla-Pfannkuchen.: furuba: kyo - ninjamessiah_noire on May 10th, 2009 01:52 pm (UTC)
Please write a second part. It's so sad... ;__;
Shainayumiko_okahawa on May 10th, 2009 01:56 pm (UTC)
Kyaaaaaa~ I LOVE that icon, it amkes me laugh whenever I see it XD ^^

I'll probably do that ... since I don't like sad endings as well ^^;;

Thank you so much for the comment, hon <33333
Untitled - messiah_noire on June 7th, 2009 06:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
雅琳: 永訣blazingeternity on May 10th, 2009 03:36 pm (UTC)
*sighs* oh how we always recognize the things we love once they're gone... oh how we always get aware of something going wrong once it's too late.
Maybe one of the reasons why I always enjoy your stories so much is because the 'problems' you write about are so very real, something that can happen to everyone in one way or another... or that we're afraid of. So to me this story is rather melancholic.

I'm not sure if I want to read a sequel to it since I like it as a oneshot... but I'd be interested in reading Massu's experience of this whole ;)
Shaina: Tesshi Smileyumiko_okahawa on May 10th, 2009 03:52 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading! I didn't think you'd be interested in that pairing, but well... I should have known it better v.v *drop*

However, thanks for the ice words, I'm glad you liked it ^^

The way Tegoshi changed is so... very obvious, in a way. Back then, when News started no one even knew his name and he was always put into the background. He didn't look pretty and he was just the "other kid", you know? I'm always amazed by how confident he got, how much he opened up himself and turned the speed up to get to the top.
He's not tehre yet, but well, he already changed so damn much and I was wondering if he ever noticed himself...? He must have *laughs*

That's an interesting idea, I'll keep that in mind. I like it the way it is as well, but tegomass usually deserves Fluff, so... well, this leaves me a bit dissatisfied.
We'll see if I'm going to write anything as a sequel or leave it just the way it is.
First of all I need to write FitB Chap 13... v_v"

*hugs you*
Untitled - blazingeternity on May 14th, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
V.zxcvbnm109 on May 10th, 2009 05:21 pm (UTC)
Loved the story, loved the angst, love the Tegoshi...xD

poor Tego...but Idk why, but I just like to read these angsty-sad stories...I think that you shouldn't write a sequel, cuz it's supposed 2 be a one-shot, and I just like sad-endings...xD

Tegoshi REALLY did change...from a little no-body-gives-a-damn-about boy, to a pretty, cute idol! xD

lol...remember his short hair?!?!...xD

but truthfully, I really dislike his hair now, it looks so ugh...did it get a perm?

anyways, great story! :)
Shainayumiko_okahawa on May 11th, 2009 03:05 am (UTC)
Thanks so much for he comment! ^^

Yeah, by now, I don't want to write another ending and leave it like that. I'm only thinking about writing the same again from Masuda's POV... Probably XD ^^

He did, soooo much. I always find it so amazing and stunning how much he changed, not just from the otside, his looks, but also from his behaviour!

His short hair was cute XD But it didn't have any styling *laughs*
Well, I don't hink there's anything that can make him look ugly, so even though I dislike his current perm as well, I still think he's pretty. *laughs*
But I preffered the smooth and silk hair as well. I hope someone is going to tell him to change it back soon.

Thanks sooo much!! I'm glad you liked it ^_^
konata15konata15 on May 10th, 2009 05:56 pm (UTC)
Loved it T~T Poor Tegoshi!! He lost Massu...
Shainayumiko_okahawa on May 11th, 2009 03:06 am (UTC)
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
Untitled - konata15 on May 11th, 2009 07:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
Kristienkaouchan on May 10th, 2009 11:30 pm (UTC)
aww poor tegotego
Shainayumiko_okahawa on May 11th, 2009 03:06 am (UTC)
Indeed ;_;

Thanks for the comment <3
ninthcalcifer on May 11th, 2009 12:46 am (UTC)
*flails* i love the way you wrote this >_<

Shaina: Tesshi OMG!!!yumiko_okahawa on May 11th, 2009 03:07 am (UTC)
Thanks a lot for your nice words!! I'm really, really glad you liked it!
Untitled - ninthcalcifer on May 11th, 2009 03:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
Untitled - yumiko_okahawa on May 11th, 2009 03:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
Untitled - ninthcalcifer on May 11th, 2009 03:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
Untitled - yumiko_okahawa on May 11th, 2009 03:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
Untitled - ninthcalcifer on May 11th, 2009 04:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
tego♥massu=LOVEkatrinasacay on May 11th, 2009 04:15 am (UTC)

okay..everything was exactly what i'm thinking the reason behind tegoshi and masuda's less moments together lately...

and i had always thought that masuda was the first to be kind to tegoshi..the first to notice his importance in the group somehow...but now,massu goes shopping with another person and not with tegoshi anymore...tegoshi is always with koyama... *sobs*

i love u for writing this.
Shainayumiko_okahawa on May 11th, 2009 04:22 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks for your nice words! I'm glad you liked it that much! ^^

It's a pity, ne~ They seemed to be so close. But let's wait fr while. Tegomass is going to start promotion again and probably they'll tell us how close they still are then ^_^

I love you for the very nice comment! ^^ XD
Untitled - katrinasacay on May 11th, 2009 04:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
Untitled - yumiko_okahawa on May 11th, 2009 05:04 am (UTC) (Expand)
mayuuyuyako16 on May 11th, 2009 04:38 am (UTC)
uwaa~ although this is short, i must say that your fic made me cry because i can totally feel it right now. how the two of them drifted apart and no one, not even the two of them, could do something about it T^T how i wish they'd do something about it. i miss seeing the two of them together. and the fact that they go out with others now, and not together like they used to before, breaks my heart T^T

uwaa~ sorry for rambling. this just really made me sad. add the fact that my friend and i have been talking about what we noticed about them last night made your fic have a bigger effect on me.

thanks for sharing~ this is really lovely
Shaina: Tesshi OMG!!!yumiko_okahawa on May 11th, 2009 04:46 am (UTC)
Waaaaaah! *hands you tissues and pats you*
Maaa~ don't cry! I really didn't mean to!!!

But I totally get what you mean. It really is a pity how they drifted apart from each other! I miss those days when they'd done everything together! But I'm sure with the upcoming tegomass activities they're going to reveal some facts again, will let us know that Tegomass Love is still alive ;)

Thanks so very much for the lovely comment! It really, really moves me to know my short fanfiction had such an impac on you, although I wish I could do something to cheer you up!
I really didn't want to make you cry T_T
tegoyantegoyan_desu on May 11th, 2009 09:22 am (UTC)
wonderful. so wonderful. ^____^
love the angst. love the ending.
i wanna read your version of massu.
Shainayumiko_okahawa on May 11th, 2009 10:10 am (UTC)
Awww, thanks for the nice comment! I'm glad you liked it :D
(Deleted comment)
Shaina: Tesshi Cuteyumiko_okahawa on May 11th, 2009 06:55 pm (UTC)
Aw, thanks for the comment! ^_^ I'm glad you read and liked it! ^^

Yeeah, let's see... soon tegomasu activities will start again, so I hope they'll be more liek back then again. We'll see ^_^

Thanks so much!!
bellemainecbellemainec on May 12th, 2009 09:13 am (UTC)
Oh Tegoshi. *pat pat*

Massu *huggle*

Shainayumiko_okahawa on May 12th, 2009 10:18 am (UTC)
Ooooh, I hope your heart is still in one piece? *snuggles you*
Because with this one I won't be able to give you anything to put it back in a whole~ v__v"

Thanks somuch for reading <3
Pika Pika ぴょん..: pika_akameshapika on May 27th, 2009 05:55 am (UTC)
Aww~~ Pity tego.. Well. even im not a HUGE fan of news.. But i do like tegomass. Youre story.. somehow... *touches my heart* makes me feels like crying. *sniff sniff*
Shaina: Tesshi OMG!!!yumiko_okahawa on May 27th, 2009 06:06 am (UTC)
Aw, no, don't cry! It's not real, after all... *laugh*
*hands you some cookies*

Thanks for the comment, I'm really praised by your words! <3
shingungshingung on May 27th, 2009 11:34 am (UTC)
nice one...it seems...you captured what every tegomass fan is feeling..especially when we don't see too much tegomass rabu rabu..

i loved it....even though it is angst and sad...but im hoping everything will be back again especially with upcoming concert...

moar...*off to read massu's POV..

got this fic recommendation from katrinasacay...hehehehe
Shainayumiko_okahawa on May 27th, 2009 01:05 pm (UTC)
Aw, I've just noticed your comment here now ^^; Gomen ne!

I think so, everyone is noticing how thiose two are drifting apart, ne~? But this summer things should change between them *happy*
<3 ^^

She's lovely~ and apparently she really likes these two fics *laughs*

Thanks a lot for reading <3
ping_u_inping_u_in on September 24th, 2009 10:00 pm (UTC)
hi.. this is really good..
i can't believe it actually makes me cry.. :(
ping_u_inping_u_in on September 24th, 2009 10:20 pm (UTC)
so in the end, tegoshi realized that massu is still his most precious thing than the fame he get..

i totally fell in love with this story.. XD