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05 June 2009 @ 12:52 am
[Fanfiction:] Fade into the Background Chapter 15  

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Banner by [info]naomi0211

Title: Fade into the Background //You can't lose what you never had//
Pairing: Akanishi Jin X Kamenashi Kazuya (Akame to make it short XD) //KAT-TUN//
Genre: Romance, ANGST, lots of Fluff
Rating: from PG-13 to NC-17
Disclamer: Do not own them. If anybody I'd like to own Ueda. But well... one can't have everything, right?
Summary: Kazuya is getting married and while watching him from the background Jin suddenly remembers their story. His thoughts are going back in time and he starts to regret and realize....
A/N: First of all: English isn't my mother tongue, but I tried my best and since I was living in the UK I'm pretty much used to write and speak it. But you're welcome to correct mistakes.

For this time, it's just a short comment.

It was actually pretty difficult to write this chapter. I didn't quite know how to get those two together without them being together *laugh* Another confrontation would have been wrong and for a while I didn't know what to do.
But, I think, after all it turned out quite well.
While being in Sweden I couldn't really write, so I'm slightly late again. I'm sorry.

But, the next chapter is most likely the last one, so I'm planning a really long one and it will most likely take longer than usual. Be prepared!!

That said, enjoy this chapter. <3

Previous Chapters:
First Memory: A Winter Illusion
Second Memory: All I want for Christmas...
Third Memory: Broken Promise
Fourth Memory: Losing Faith
Fifth Memory: Confessions

First Flashback: Still on my Mind

Sixth Memory: Missing

Seventh Memory: Powder Happiness
Eighth Memory: Best Friends and Lovers
Ninth Memory: Treat me right
Tenth Memory: If I'd let you go...

Second Flashback: Lose Myself

Eleventh Memory: Over
Twelfth Memory: Be with you
Memory: What makes a Man

Third Flashback: Resistance


Fourth Flashback: Dreams

It was not even six in the morning, as Kazuya slowly opened his eyes. The room was dark, only a dim shine was lightening it up, what announced the coming dawn.

He was still lying beneath the blanket, curled up and covered up to his chin. Only his hand was reached out.

Kazuya blinked a few times before he fully opened his eyes and stared at Jin. They were lying next to each other, but had a distance between them. Jin was fast asleep, looking peaceful and relaxed beside Kazuya; he wasn’t covered and still wore his jeans and the sweatshirt he had worn the evening before.

Kazuya remained in his position for a while, observing Jin’s sleeping face. Though there was so much distance between them, their hands lay next to each other’s, only the fingertips were touching.

Jin hadn’t changed and hadn’t broken the contact of their hands. He hadn’t left Kazuya’s side just once.

It would have been easy to lift the blanket now and shift closer, nuzzle close to that body next to him. Kazuya was sure, he’d just have to move into Jin’s embrace and the older one would instinctively pull him into his arms.

It would be easy to retreat into that embrace, let Jin make him forget his worries and fears for a while. He knew Jin would.

But they wouldn’t be able to erase anything. It wouldn’t change the fact that as soon as Kazuya would leave this apartment, everything would be back to what it’s been before.

He’d still have those problems; he’d still struggle with his conscience.

But he allowed himself to stay like that for a little longer, to watch Jin, to gently move his fingertips against the other one’s.  Kazuya felt save like this, warm, calm and secure. It gave him a little peace to just pretend he was carefree and his only worry would be what they should have for breakfast and if they’d get to their rehearsals in time.

They wouldn’t have to go to rehearsals or recordings in the upcoming time. For a while he’d have more than enough spare time and for once in his life Kazuya didn’t look forward to it.

Back then, they had planned their schedules together. Whenever one of them had had a day off, he would have scheduled his plans to pick the other one up from work or wait at home for him.

When they had a day off together, they would have spent it together; staying like this the entire day. In bed, next to each other, only getting up to shower and eat.

They would have cooked together, and even though Jin was quite useless in the kitchen, it had always been fun. It was much more enjoyable than to cook alone and after a while they had even talked about moving in together; though they both knew that would have been impossible.

But to dream about their future together had been what had let them go on. As long as they could have seen themselves together in the future, things had been fine.

Kazuya missed those days, since they had been what he had always been looking forward to. Those days of complete peace with Jin.

It felt like that right now and that was enough for Kazuya to gather enough strength to go on and get through whatever was going to confront him. For a little longer he lay silently, watching Jin’s face, playfully moving his finger tips over the older male’s, enjoying the touch; then he knew he had to leave that world of peace he pretended to be in.

He slowly sat up, careful to make as less sound as possible and left the bedroom. From the door he saw Jin shifting closer to the warm spot he had left and smiled. Then he walked over to the bathroom and as he looked in the mirror, his lips escaped a silent moan.

Kazuya looked horrible. His eyes were completely swollen und he nearly looked as if someone had beaten him up the night before.

He washed his face, sighing relieved as the cold water soothed his skin. Then he went back into the corridor and got into his shoes, gripped his jacket to pull it over.

At the front door he hesitated.

Jin had taken care of him and hadn’t said a word at all, as Kazuya had come here yesterday. They both knew it wasn’t right this way; that things that had happened between them couldn’t be erased. Though, Jin had let Kazuya in, had held him as he had cried, had taken his hand and had let him get some sleep. He hadn’t asked a single question, hadn’t told Kazuya that he couldn’t do anything for him.

That they weren’t in the position to be together like that.

Kazuya turned and went back to the bedroom, watching Jin from the door frame. He sighed at the sight of Jin curled up next to the blanket, one hand curled into the soft fabric.

It somehow was just like back then when he had found Jin asleep at his couch, that photo in his hand.

Kazuya was not the only one who needed affection and some care. Jin was just as lonely as he was and probably Kazuya was the only one he really needed to get rid of that feeling.

The younger one turned and went over to the kitchen, he took a small sheet of paper from the table and wrote down what came to his mind without thinking about it twice; it was the only thing he could do for Jin.

As he was finished, he didn’t read it over, as he knew he would want to change it, so he just took it into his hand and went back to Jin’s room. Carefully and as silent as possible, he placed the piece of paper next to Jin at the pillow; then he lifted the blanket and gently pulled it over Jin. He smiled, as Jin nuzzled into the fabric, sighed slightly in his sleep.

Unable to resist, Kazuya bent down and tenderly ran his hand through Jin’s hair. He placed a soft peck to the older one’s lips and then rose again, breaking off every contact and turned.

As quietly as before he left the room and then the flat, leaving Jin sleep peacefully and lost in his dreams.



This was probably the hardest step for Kazuya to take, but it would make him feel better.

It was still quite early in the morning; he had spent a few hours with walking aimlessly around. Then he had called.

Just as he had expected it, she had been awake already. Her voice had been hesitating as she had answered her phone.

“I’m near by”, Kazuya had said.

She hadn’t answered immediately. “I’ll be waiting”, was her final answer and she had cut the connection.

Kazuya was insecure of this, but he knew he had to do this. He had to face her and apologize for what had happened. He knew it wouldn’t change a thing, but it would make him feel better.

Now, he stood in front of that door he had knocked so many times. She usually would have opened up with a smile, telling him to come in, because she wasn’t quite ready yet. Usually, he had waited in her living room while she had been busy in the bathroom with blow drying her hair until it would look perfect or finishing her make-up.

She was one of those perfectly feminine women. She even looked good in the mornings when she had just woken up, a relaxed smile tracing her lips and her hair just slightly messy; messy enough to make her look sexy and cute at once.

Even though Minako always wore make-up whenever she left the apartment, Kazuya knew that she still was pretty without any.

If it hadn’t been for Jin, if it hadn’t been for his own foolish feelings for that other man, Kazuya was sure he could have only loved a woman like her. Someone who was just as pure and natural in her ways, friendly and kind, honest and sincere about her feelings.

In a way, he had really been in love with her. He was convinced it was impossible to not love a girl like her. She was, in a very simple way, just perfect.

That’s why she deserved an honest apology, sincere words from Kazuya. She deserved to know that he really wasn’t up to hurt her and that he felt sorry about it.

As Kazuya had entered the building, he had been sure he would see the picture of himself walking through this door in any magazine tomorrow, but he couldn’t care about that.

There was nothing that could hold him back; no matter what the press would make out of this.

He raised his hand and knocked.

It took a few moments before the door opened slightly and he could catch a glimpse at Minako’s face, before she turned and went back. Kazuya carefully opened the door to step in. She had already gone back into the apartment and he felt uncomfortable to just come in like this, but he reminded himself what he had come here for and closed the door silently before he took off his shoes.

As he came into the living room, she stood by the window, facing him with her back. Unsure what to say, Kazuya stood at his spot in the door frame. They remained silent.

“Have you been at Akanishi-san’s?”, Minako finally asked without turning to him.

Kazuya nodded, managing a short “Um.”

“It’s good you have someone to take care of you when you’re in a situation like this.”

It pierced his heart to hear those words. After all, she was the one who suffered much more than he did. “Why don’t you stay over at your parents’ place for a while?”

Now she turned and gave him a short smile; a sad one. “I’m okay.”

Again, silence lay between them and Kazuya swallowed thickly. Why did she always pretend to be that strong? In a situation like this she was supposed to be mad and take every comfort she could get from her family and friends. Why didn’t she get angry at Kazuya? Why didn’t she turn around and confront him with questions? Tell him to get lost and never show up in her life again?


“I’m sorry”. She said suddenly and turned to Kazuya completely.

She really was beautiful, Kazuya thought as she looked at him now. Her sad eyes, the brown, smooth hair that framed her small, pale face with the soft skin. She really was beautiful.

Minako hesitated for a moment, broke their eye contact then and bowed to him. “I’m really sorry.”

Kazuya opened his mouth, confused what she was apologizing for. “There’s no need for you to apologize to me. I should be the one.”

She just shook her head, as she slightly rose again, but kept her head bowed. “Apparently, I did something wrong.” Her voice was low, and so small, almost not noticeable. “I must have done something that made you… that made you stop loving me.”

This was worst. Kazuya didn’t know how to react. She was so terribly wrong with what she thought. “It’s not your fault, Minako. Don’t think that.”

“I won’t ask”, she simply said.

“What do you mean?”

“I won’t ask for your reason. But, after all, there must have been something about me, something I said or did what you couldn’t take.”

Kazuya kept silent for a moment. “I’m the worst.”

She still didn’t look up; she just shook her head.

“I am, Minako”, he said and gave her figure a desperate look. “I accepted that wedding and I left you believing everything had been alright, and then I ran away in the very last moment. I ruined so much. And now you are apologizing? That doesn’t make sense.”

“You must have run for a reason.”

“You weren’t the reason.”

She sniffled a little bit and turned away again. “Then you would have married me, Kazuya. I’m just not the one you’ve wanted.”

With that she had concluded it perfectly and Kazuya didn’t know what to say, since he didn’t want to lie to her any more than he had already done.

“I’m sorry about the newspapers”, he said, avoiding answering what she had stated.

“I’ve got to know the business; I was prepared for stories like those from the beginning. They will lose their interests, eventually.”

“Still, it’s not true and they’re ruining your image.”

“I don’t need any image. I’m just a common girl, no celebrity like you.”

With every word she spoke, she managed to pierce Kazuya’s heart deeper and harder. “That’s not true.”

“It is, and I’m quite happy with that. They will forget about me. Your next girlfriend is going to take my spot.” Her voice sounded a bit shaky.

At that point, Kazuya just wanted to tell her the truth; but he couldn’t. He knew that secret of his’ had to stay a secret, no matter what. But he could be honest to a degree. “There won’t be a next one.”

She turned and gave him one of those Don’t-kid-me-we-both-know-it-better-looks.

“I’ve been in love once”, Kazuya just said and swallowed thickly. “And I still feel attached to that person. I can’t get over that love.”

Minako’s expression changed slightly and she frowned.

“I thought I had to. I thought I had to forget about it and move on. But”, he added and shrugged his shoulders. “I can’t get on without it. It’s something that will never fade, and the more I try to give it up, the more I suffer from not having it. I can’t get rid of it.”

She looked at him for a moment with an indifferent face, then she nodded and turned again, looked out of the window. “As I’ve said, I’m sorry.”

“Minako, didn’t you…”

“I’ve listened, Kazuya”, she interrupted him. “I’ve listened to every word you’ve said. And I’m still sorry that I couldn’t be the person to help you get over it.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry”, he simply said.

“You can’t tell me what to feel.”

“But aren’t you mad? I’ve treated you horribly.” Kazuya almost just whispered the last words.

She was still facing him with her back, but her voice sounded quite firm now. “You were always nice and gentle. I don’t want to know why you ran away, Kazuya. I’ve made my own picture of it and I want to believe in that.”

“But it’s not the truth.”

Now she turned and she smiled at him, in a sad why, but in one that reassured him that she would be okay. “It’s my truth. Don’t make it harder for me, Kazuya.”

She really was strong, Kazuya thought and wished she could have been the one to help him forget. But if someone like Minako couldn’t, he was sure no one in this world could.

“You’d better leave now.”

He swallowed and nodded slightly, then he made a step closer to her. “I don’t know what the right thing to say is. I can’t say something like ‘I really wish you could have been the one.’ Though, I actually think that, but I think it’s unfair to say it. But I am really, very sorry for what I’ve did, for bringing you into a situation like this.”

“I don’t actually want you to say anything. I don’t want an apology and I don’t want reasons”, Minako answered calmly and pointed her hand at the door. “I’d just like you to leave.”

Kazuya nodded again, then he turned and left the living room. He got into his shoes again and didn’t stop or turned once more, before he opened the door. Gently, he closed it behind him, knowing he’d leave her behind crying.



Jin woke up, as his door bell started ringing frequently. He slowly opened his eyes and moaned from the loud sound; then he noticed that it was not just the door bell, but also his home phone.

Frowning and troubled to keep his eyes open, he turned his head to the other side of the bed and stared at the digital alarm clock. It was half past eleven.

He had forgotten to set his alarm.

Suddenly as awake as if he hadn’t slept at all he jumped out of the bed, stumbled and made his way to the front door.

“I’m sorry”, he said quickly, while opening, because he knew it could only be their manager and without even looking he hurried back into his bedroom. “I’ll just get changed.”

His manager came in with a sigh. “You were supposed to be at the office thirty minutes ago. What were you doing?”

“I forgot to set my alarm.”

“We still have time before you’ll have to be at the filming set”, his manager said calmly, flipping through the pages of his timer. “But this way you’ve missed the emergency meeting we had this morning.”

That was the good point of their manager; he never really got mad at them when things like this happened. Jin peeked out of his room, his chest bare and threw him a look. “Emergency? What happened?”

“Hurry up. We’ll have time to talk while driving.”

Jin just frowned, then he got into the bathroom and another five minutes later they left the apartment and made their way down to the car.

Impatiently, Jin watched the older man, as he flipped his cell phone open and made a call. Didn’t he want to tell him about that emergency? He turned his head and watched the street, when suddenly he remembered.
Kazuya hadn’t been there.

With a sigh Jin palmed his face and leaned back. The younger one must have left early in the morning, without Jin noticing it. But Jin had been awake until about three in the morning before he had laid down beside Kazuya and had fallen asleep.


Jin raised his head and looked at his manager.

“Are you not feeling well?”

“I’m alright. I just remembered something I forgot to do”, he lied.

“Well, then. About the meeting this morning…”, his manager continued and flipped his timer open again to write down the meetings he had just agreed to at the phone. “I’m not going to stay with you at the set today.”

Jin gave him a curious look.

“Kamenashi-kun is going to have a press conference this afternoon.”

“What?” Jin tensed. “Why?”

“When he came in this morning he asked for it. He wants to make an official statement.”

“What is he going to…”

“Nothing we don’t want him to say”, the man interrupted him. “We’re already working out what he’s going to say. He’ll confirm the news.”

“About her cheating on him?”

He got a nod as an answer.

“Why should he want to do that in public….? Is it really necessary?” Jin made a sorrowful face.

“It will raise his image”, the manager simply said. “He’ll need some good publicity. And it’ll make it easier for him to get back into everything faster. We’ll shoot your show tomorrow for next week. Without him.”

“You even ban him from Cartoon Kat-tun?”

“From all TV shows. Luckily, he didn’t have any dramas scheduled.”

Jin just sighed. “Why don’t you want us to be present at that conference?”

“You’re too busy. Nakamaru-kun is busy with a drama and Ueda has that stage play scheduled; he’s already at the theatre having his first instructions today.”

“So?”, Jin asked.

His manger gave him a quick look. “It’s enough to have two members there for support.”

“Koki and Taguchi.” Again, it was Koki who would be at Kazuya’s side at that moment and Jin didn’t like that fact. He wanted to be there for the younger one, as well. But it had probably been enough to have been by Kazuya’s side while he had been asleep.

“We don’t really want you guys to be connected to all this. We’re having enough trouble with Kamenashi-kun.”

Jin didn’t answer anymore and they dropped the topic.

And as they arrived at the set, he had to ban those thoughts from his head and get into acting his character for the movie. It took a few hours before they made a break and Jin went to one of the rooms to eat and rest for a while.

A lot of people from the stuff were gathered already, eating and they were all staring at the TV screen that was placed in the corner of the room.

Jin turned his head in its direction and froze as he saw Kazuya.

“It has just started”, one of his co-stars said and pointed at a chair for Jin to sit down. “He came just up on stage.”

Sitting down, Jin kept his gaze at the screen, worried about the tiredness that was shown in Kazuya’s face. He had thought, the last night had given Kazuya a bit of peace and rest and some strength, but apparently he was still as exhausted and restless as before.

“I want to apologize”, Kazuya started. “For causing so much trouble for everyone.”

“He always seemed so nice. I wonder if the rumours are true and he’s the victim”, a female actor said and leaned in to another woman. “He’s cute, ne?”

The other one nodded and Jin rose and brow.

The conference started with a mess of questions and Kazuya looked quite lost, as he didn’t know what to answer first. Their manager stood next to him and raised a hand to pick one reporter to speak.

“Kamenashi-san, is it true that it was because of another woman you ran from that wedding?”

Kazuya slightly shook his head, but his facial expression remained indifferent. “No. There was no other woman involved.”

“But another man?”

For a moment he didn’t answer, then he said what Jin was sure he had been told beforehand to state in public.

Jin turned away and went over to the buffet to get himself something to eat. Apparently, they made that story official now, and Jin wondered if Kazuya really was okay with that. People were easy minded; they’d blame Minako and she wouldn’t be able to show up anywhere for the next time. After everything Kazuya had said yesterday, Jin didn’t believe he was okay with this.

But on the other hand, if Kazuya hadn’t agreed to this story he’d risk his career. After all, he had nothing else left and making it public that Kazuya was the victim in this would rebuild his image.

As Jin returned, he saw Koki standing next to Kazuya and speaking to the microphones that were held into his face.

“…. Standing beside Kamenashi. He’s not a person who’d treat a woman badly, and in this he’s the one who suffered the most, but didn’t know how to get out of it. He needs all of our support now.”

“Ah, well said.”

Jin looked over at the older man he was acting with in the movie.

“Akanishi-kun, is that true?”, he asked then, completely frank.

“What Kamenashi said? Or what Koki said?”

A laugh followed as the man came over and sat down. “Well, then both of it.”

“I’m not informed about Kamenashi’s private life, so I don’t know about that”, Jin answered calmly. “But what Koki said is true. We’ll stand behind him, no matter what led him to that decision.”

“It’s easy to say that.”

Jin raised his head from looking down at his plate and looked at the other one for a moment. “We’re through much more difficult situations already and managed it well. Back then, when I made my decision to leave to America without telling them beforehand, they supported me, too.”

He received a wide smile. “Ah, well said. You guys from that agency surely know what to say and how to say it. They did a great job with teaching you guys.”

Jin frowned, but didn’t answer. He didn’t think that was necessary.



It had been an exhausting day for Kazuya. With this he had cut out all the rumours; he’d have peace for a few days.

He still wasn’t sure what to do from now on. All his projects were put on ice and for now he would only have rehearsals in singing and dancing with the others.

This morning he had realized that a public statement would be the only right thing to do. He had confirmed the rumours of knowing about Minako cheating on him and with that he had turned himself into the victim of the whole story.

And he still felt bad about it; but he had to take this to safe his career.

Kazuya really wondered why Jin hadn’t been at their meeting this morning. Usually they were all meant to be at the office, but Jin had not shown up. This way Kazuya hadn’t seen him for the entire day and didn’t know how Jin had reacted to his notice.

Letter, Kazuya thought now. It had probably already been a letter. However, there had been no reaction and it made him feel uneasy.

Tired, he made his way to the kitchen, dropped his bag at a chair and got a cup from one of the boards, before he heated up some water. He thought about what to eat as he went into his bedroom to change into some more comfortable clothes.

For the millionth time, as it felt to him, he checked his mobile phone, before he put it at the bed table. Jin hadn’t tried to contact him.

As he got back into the kitchen, he filled the cup with tea and opening his fridge he decided he wouldn’t eat tonight. He’d get something tomorrow morning.

The cup in his hand, he got to his living room and made himself comfortable at his sofa. He knew if he’d cuddle up under the blanket here he’d never make it into his bed, but he didn’t really care about it.

When they’d been younger they had used to sleep at the couch, because cuddling there had always been more comfortable than in bed. And even though he had a TV in his bedroom by now it just felt better this way. He could relax much easier when he was at his sofa.

Abandoning those thoughts, Kazuya sipped at his tea and zapped through the programmes, feeling his eye lids already getting heavier.

But as the door bell rang, he jumped a bit and made a surprised noise. Looking at the watch he saw it was almost eleven. Who would…?

For a moment, Kazuya just stared into the room. There were not many people who would come over at a time like this.

Actually, there was just one person who would come whenever he felt like it was time to talk. No matter what time it was.

Kazuya slowly got up and felt his heart beating faster. He had been aware the moment he had to face Jin would come, but he was nervous about the reaction. Alone the fact Jin came here personally made him shiver slightly.

Would Jin accept Kazuya’s feelings and what he had asked for?

As he opened the door, his heart sank down to his knees.

“How are you doing?”

Kazuya forced a smile and stepped aside to let Koki come in. “I’m okay.”

“I was worrying”, Koki just said as he took of his shoes and held up a white bag. “I thought some squid would make you feel better.”

This time, his smile was sincere. “You really got me some?”

“Of course. I know you like those best.”

“Thank you.” Kazuya went ahead to the kitchen.

“You know, I think you need some distraction.” The older one followed him and set the bag down at the table. “Some good food and something else to talk about and then a long and decent sleep.”

“I’m doing not as badly as you think I would.”

Koki shrugged his shoulders and watched Kazuya getting plates and chopsticks. “But I guess you feel bad for confirming those lies.”

The brunette just nodded as he put the plates down and started to unwrap the bag Koki had brought.

“We’re filming tomorrow. Maru is going to play the host this time and they teamed me up with Ueda. Akanishi was already complaining he had to be in a team with Taguchi. I’m pretty sure we’re going to beat them in the game segments.”

Kazuya smiled. “Those two are not working well together.”

“Not at all”, Koki agreed and nodded gratefully as Kazuya gave him his plate and sat down then. “But they said it’s just this episode and probably the one after that they won’t let you take part in. The one for this week was cancelled, though.”

“Another Arashi Show for that slot?” Kazuya grinned.

“Who knows”, Koki giggled and then watched Kazuya in anticipation.

“Aaah, that’s delicious!” The younger one shifted excitedly in his chair, after he had taken the first bite of his meal.

“I’m glad. You haven’t looked that childish in a while. I’ve been missing it.”

Kazuya smiled and took another bite. “It’s so tasty!”

“I’ve thought about…” Koki stopped and frowned. “There’s something ringing? Is it your mobile…?”

Kazuya raised his head and listened for a moment, then he recognized it as well and with a short apology he dashed off into his bedroom.

As he saw the caller’s ID he held his breath for a second before he picked up. “Yes?”

It was silent for a moment. “Kazuya, I…”

As nothing followed, he went to the door to close it and sat down at the edge of his bed then.

“How did Minako react?”, Jin asked plainly.

“She didn’t really listen to me.”

“So, she was mad?”

Kazuya clicked his tongue. “Not really. She didn’t reproach me. She apologized.”

“Geez”, Jin gasped.

“In the end she just wanted me to leave her alone. So I did.” Kazuya leaned back against the head piece of his bed. “I suppose you had a busy day? I didn’t see you at the office.”

Jin sighed. “Well, not really. I’ve slept until eleven or something. I’ve forgotten to set an alarm. So, I left my apartment in a rush.”

“And you came just home now?”

“We were shooting outdoor scenes for the movie today”, he explained. Kazuya’s voice sounded not as suffocated anymore as yesterday and not as tired as in the conference he had seen on TV today. “I saw the conference when I had a break.”

So, Kazuya concluded, Jin had just found his notice now. He wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Ah.”

“You did well. The women were all on your side; feeling pity for you.”

The brunette managed a bitter laugh. “If they’d only know.”

“They better never get to”, Jin said and moved over to his window, staring at the lights of the city. At the other end, far away, one of those lights was where Kazuya was sitting now, listening to his voice. “It’s okay this way.”

“Thank you.”


The younger one felt his heartbeat speeding up. “Hm?”

“Do you want me to come over now?”, Jin asked.

Kazuya bit his lip and changed his position. Of course, Jin wouldn’t come like that; he’d ask, because he didn’t want to make a single mistake anymore.

He wished he could say yes. “Well, actually… Koki is here.”

A pause occurred, then: “Ah, I see.”

They both remained silent for a while, before Kazuya spoke up again. “About yesterday…”

“Don’t apologize”, Jin said and turned away from the lights.

“But I came without asking first and brought you into a really embarrassing situation”, Kazuya countered, eager to get a reaction to the words he had written down.

“It’s okay.” The older male’s voice was gentle and calm. “If I felt like that I would not have offered to come over now.”

Kazuya didn’t answer. He just bit his lip even harder.

“You better go back to Koki now, before he starts worrying.”

“Mhm.” He managed a nod. “Good night, Jin.”

Jin smiled slightly. “Good night, Kazuya.”

Not ready yet to cut the connection they both waited for the other one to hang up first.

“I’m sorry, though”, Kazuya finally said in a low voice, almost whispered.

“Don’t be. I did what friends are there for”, Jin answered. “Get some rest, okay?”

With that, Jin cut the connection.


I’m sorry about this.
I just came here and made you comforting me, even though you’re probably the last person I should have gone to. Actually, I don’t quite understand why my way led me to you, too.
I thought we were completely through with this, but you have always been the one I wanted to be with when I felt down or like I didn’t know where to turn to.
It has always been like that, hasn’t it? Ever since we first met.
We have never really been friends, but we somehow managed it, however. And I wonder if it would ever be possible for us to get back to that state?

What you’ve said back then was true. I was the one who made it impossible for you to get even just near me. I had asked you to make up for your mistakes, but kept every chance from you to get through to me.
I’m sorry for that.
As I woke up this morning and lay beside you I wondered why we kept hurting each other. In a way, we can’t be without the other one. You stood by my side, even though I was that weak. You’re probably the only one who knows that side of me.

I’m going to see Minako today and will apologize. Then, I’ll make an official statement for the press.
I’ll be strong by myself and won’t come to you again to cry, but knowing I could, helps me a lot. Knowing you wouldn’t reject me when I’m weak and need someone to just let me, makes me feel much more secure.
I’m not sure if we can manage after everything that happened, but we should probably forget about what happened in the past and try to be friends.
Or at least something like that; something we’ve been before we became lovers.


Thank you so very much for reading. I hope you still like it!

See you next time <33



Place: home
Mood: draineddrained
Music: Tegoshi Yuya- Ai no Matador (Live at NWDP)
雅琳: 永訣blazingeternity on June 4th, 2009 08:00 pm (UTC)

Somehow, this time, I don't really know what to say. Isn't it a nice chapter, actually? Following the last one so very well? A comfortable pace, almost like a slow dance, rather warm than cold feelings and for once things going upwards - yet, I feel despair?

I told you I was unsure about Minako and maybe you could read from my words that I wasn't really fond of still having her in the story. But I really, really liked how you bound her in like this, how you made her end this with her head held up, being accepting and determined, not completely devastated. Of course it's really sad for her how her image was completely destroyed in public, but it's obvious that she can deal with it and knows why this was said.
Moreover I liked how Kazuya went through all this, I thought it was very emotional in a positive way. But while there seemed to be a lot from his side, Jin's was lacking. Like the position of the one wanting and the one blocking changed again. You're a genius! XD

Ah well, I'm afraid I'm a bit too overwhelmed and dizzy to say more. Say more proper things. This chapter had so many sweet moments, yet I taste bitterness... did I already say how much I wonder how it will end? Especially now that the end has come so close? @__@

I stop brainstorming here before it gets more and more awkward XDDD I feel like hugging them both, but most of all, I feel like hugging you.
Shaina: Ueda sweetyumiko_okahawa on June 4th, 2009 08:42 pm (UTC)
Haha~ you don't know what to say, but still your comment is that long! ^^

I actually liked Minako, that's why I couldn't just get rid of her easily. I think this way I showed that she really was a good girl and probably a perfect match for a Johnny's boy, since she was quite understandiing and mature. But, for Kazuya, there's no perfect match other than Jin of course *löl*
No, seriously, I wanted to make sure she and Kazuya would part like this. Though, of course, not listening to him and believing in her own truth makes her a bit naive and stubborn, but I also think that makes her human and just a normal girl beside being so understanding and demure.

Do you think Jin's was lacking? *löl* I thought in this and the last chapter he rather was the complete opposite of what he used to be. He's much calmer and even more careful. He called Koki in the last chapter and as he called Kazuya in this, he didn't say anything because Koki was with him. XD
But well, sure, he's careful with taking another step, while Kazuya moves into his direction again. But, after all, before this it was Kazuya who wouldn't allow Jin to get near him.
So, it really switched XD

I was actually really, really satisfied with the first part. The way they lay together at the bed and Kazuya was like gently playing with their fingers. I think it had quite a sweet atmosphere.
I want to keep that sweetness up for the ending, actually. That's what I'm planning, at least. I hope things will work out the way I want them to *laugh*

Hug me, hug me!!
*holds you close*
Untitled - blazingeternity on June 5th, 2009 09:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
akameonlyakameonly on June 4th, 2009 09:29 pm (UTC)
i agree with everything ur first commenter said....

yumiko-chan....this is just... AMAZING...
i'm speechless...this makes waiting worthwile...

It really makes me realize that AKAME isn't all about the hotness...tho i dont complain.
they could truly be a real couple going through hard times like everybody else... but in the end... they still love each other

Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:25 am (UTC)
It really makes me realize that AKAME isn't all about the hotness...tho i dont complain.
they could truly be a real couple going through hard times like everybody else... but in the end... they still love each other

Thank you so much for saying that. Actually, I started to write this fanfiction, because I was a little dissatisfied with how they were always just pictured as that and reduced to just sex. *laugh*
So, reading that people like it this way as well, and that there are people who want them to be more than that as well, makes me really, really happy ♥

Thank you so very much!!
Untitled - akameonly on June 17th, 2009 12:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
crovoxisikes ♥♥♥♥ 亀梨和也crovoxisikes on June 4th, 2009 09:33 pm (UTC)
eh~~next chap would be the last??!!!!
btw, i sincerely pity minako in this whole situation and it's so brave of her to still be able to accept things that's happening around her.. anyway, have to agree wth blazingeternity, i'm sensing less of akame interaction and jin's presence int this chap..anyhow, the first part of this chap was soo sweet..akame~~~~kya~~~ ^^ huhu, don't tell me you will not make them together at the last chap..huhu, though i realllllllyyyyy love angst, i want akame to be together i this fic ^^
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:29 am (UTC)
Most likely. It depends on what is going to come to my mind *laugh*
But, however, the whole story is coming to an end soon, I think.

Aw, everyone says it's less akame interaction in this chap XD But I guess this chapter has a lot of interaction, though. Not direct ones, but, well those invisible things. Like Kame staying so close to Jin in the morning for so long without Jin knowing; jin being understanding about Kazuya's relationship, close friendship with koki... they both changed and I wanted to show this change in this chapter! ^^

I won't tell you about the end, of course XD But, I can say that I'm planning something you will like ^.~

Thank you so very much! ^^ <3
Untitled - crovoxisikes on June 5th, 2009 05:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
kirei_shinigamikirei_shinigami on June 4th, 2009 10:15 pm (UTC)
my emotions are confusing me, which side should i take? should i pity minako or should i rant at kazuya?
omg...the update is really nice but it made me cry...
im stil feeling bad at kazuya being banned from all activities, i was thinking is he gonna go depressed and commit suicide? lol...i hope not, i wonder what will happen with jin and kazuya's friendship...will it just stay like what it is or will it progress to something more....
im feeling really depressed over this.
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:31 am (UTC)
*gives you cookies*
I tend to make people cry v.v i'm sorry!

Suicide?? Waah, no way! I couldn't live with an end like that! *laugh*

I hope by the end of the story you won't be depressed anymore!! ^^ <3
Untitled - kirei_shinigami on June 5th, 2009 10:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
AJisS2ajiss2 on June 4th, 2009 10:31 pm (UTC)
AHHH!!! *glomps you* this was an amazing chapter X_x
omg kazuya's letter made me sad/glad + all these other random emotions!
damn you Koki! >=O
and poor Kazuya =/
will be waiting impatiently for the final(?) chapter!
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:34 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you like this one ^_^
It actually took me ages to find out what Kazuya has written in the letter, to pick his words and expressions... ^^;
And don't be mad at Koki! I think he's a really good friend for Kazuya! ^^

Thanks so much! ^^
Untitled - ajiss2 on June 5th, 2009 05:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
Untitled - yumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 06:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
falling_petal01falling_petal01 on June 4th, 2009 11:15 pm (UTC)
YEEHH New chapter ^^
Thank you for posting it so quickly.
I'm really happy that Kame and Jin's relationship is progressing slowly.
Poor Minako that she had to take the blame for what had happened.....
Thank you for this nice chapter ^^

I'm happy to wait for a long time for your final chapter ^^
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:35 am (UTC)
Aw~ Thanks so much for the lovey comment! ^^ I'm glad you liked it and I hope I won't make you guys wait for too long! ^^
(Deleted comment)
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:38 am (UTC)
.... Like or love? XD ^^
No, seriously, thanks so much! ^^

I feel sorry for her, too. I wanted to let her part from kazuya like this, since I really liked her in this story! She's not to blame at all~ v.v

Of course, Jin and Kazuya need each other. it has always been like that, otherwise they would not have had so much trouble XD ^^
And I hope as well that it turns out well... O.o

*hugs back*
Thanks so much!
bellemainec: akame regretsbellemainec on June 5th, 2009 12:14 am (UTC)

Hugs Jin, Hugs Kame, even pats Koki on the head for being a good friend.

This was lovely, and I can see why it would have been a hard chapter for you to write. I admire the fact that you took the time to really explore the ramifications of what Kame did. And I can feel for Minako as well - she is strong, but the unjust slur on her being a cheater has to sting. And I am happy that Kame is guilty about that; even if it was necessary to save his career, it is still unfair.

Jin is absolutely love in this chapter. The way that Kame recognises he is trying not to make a mistake gives me much hope, as does the revelation to Minako that he is still attached to his love. that gives me much hope that you will not break my heart completely :)

this is a gorgeously written fic, I adore the way you have structured it, and not shied away from showing the emotional impact and effects of events on these two (and the rest of their friends). I love it. And something tells me after I read the last chapter I will go back to the beginning and read it all over again!
Shaina: Ueda sweetyumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:46 am (UTC)
... I LOVE your icon.

Okay, this comment really, really made me think of what to answer.
Your words are so kind and lovely and I'm so happy about them. You really praise me way too much ^^;;;

First of all, I wanted Minako to have that scene, because I really like her and I wanted the readers to like her as well and see that, even though we all want to see Akame back together, she is really to pity. Since she did nothing wrong.
But then again, I wanted Kame to be understood as well. Though he's not a bad guy he had to lie to safe what he had been working hard for for his entire life.

I think, this chapter shows that especially Jin changed a lot. he is accepting Koki as an important part of Kazuya; that Koki is good for Kazuya. Even so, he lets Kazuya know that he hasn't entirely given up on him. And with his call.. well I put the letter last, so that you would understand Jin's actions after reading it at the very end.
If it's just friendship he can get, then he would take it.

Thank you so much for those words. They really make me happy. As I've mentioned in a previous comment, I was really annoyed by how Akame just get reduced to sex lately and reading comments like yours and all the others here makes me so happy, knowing there are people who are still up for a story line and structure in a fanfiction~ <3

Thanks so very much!
ღ~♥ Yuki ♥~ღkame_kiyumi on June 5th, 2009 12:23 am (UTC)
you have really portrayed kame's and jin's deep feelings well here... I felt so touched by reading them...

and well... though I really still doesnt like the fact that koki is always around kame, but it deos help the fic isnt it? I mean to make it sort of more angst...

and did Jin read the letter Kame left for him at the bed? I bet he didnt... >
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:49 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
And I think, well, yes, Koki's part is probably to help the angst, but also to show that Kazuya has a really good and caring friend in him ^^

Jin read the letter, that's why he called. Otherwise he would not ahve known Kazuya had talked to Minako in the morning~ ^^ And he wouldn't have made that statement about being friends~
Aw, I guess I made it a bit too confusing there!
I'm sorry!!
she /ʃɛ/: Jinfionnakreuz on June 5th, 2009 12:28 am (UTC)
Look at my icon. See that smile? I should see that smile by the end of this story. Yes, and I am being bossy. ;A;

Lovely update, darling, :)
Shaina: Tesshi AiAiGasayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:50 am (UTC)
I love huge and adorable smiles! ^^

Thank you so very much, I'm glad you're still reading on! ^^ <333
pikamakipikamaki on June 5th, 2009 12:55 am (UTC)
i honestly don't know what to feel right now...like blank, haha! you're so good...you've managed to create this kind of emotion...hope you update soon, is it the end??? sorry i really don;t know what to say....its so sad but beautiful.....
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:52 am (UTC)
haha, well "It's so sad it's beautiful" ... Arashi? *löl*
I'm sorry, that was comepletely off topic v.v

It's okay, I'm grateful for your comment, though! I'm glad I could create that emotion and that it touched you that much!
The story is coming to an end, yes! I hope I'll be able to please all you guys with it ^^;;
pikamakipikamaki on June 5th, 2009 12:56 am (UTC)
and yess...AKAME will always be perfect for each other...my heart's crying, hahahaha!
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:53 am (UTC)
Oh,~ there's another one *laugh*

*gives you cookies*
Kristienkaouchan on June 5th, 2009 03:01 am (UTC)
im touched.. ^^ i so love jinjin and kazu here.. why is always koki there?? O_O
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:54 am (UTC)
I'm glad you liked how I characterized them! ^^
And well, Koki is a good friend for Kazuya, I bet he helps him a lot! ^^

Thanks for the comment!!
2min2morrow_is_now on June 5th, 2009 03:28 am (UTC)
...kazuya lied, saved his own ass.
for some reason i feel bad for jin. i'm not sure what makes me feel like this, though...

so... waiting for more?
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 05:56 am (UTC)
He didn't really have another choice, did he? Being honest would have meant to give up everything he had worked hard in his entire life!
It's difficult *sigh*

I feel bad for Jin as well, because he tried so hard and now he doesn't know what's the right thing to do~ But he'll find out, eventually. I'm sure ^^

I'll update as soon as possible! Thanks so much for being patient with me!! ^^

fumofu: 亀梨和也 3 - 2009.03.03 - 神の雫写真集wendy138 on June 5th, 2009 05:57 am (UTC)
I love this story! I'm not ready for it to end. *pouts* I'm happy that Jin & Kazuya have reached somewhat of an equilibrium. I know Koki means well, but he's in the way! tehehe

Looking forward to the end. Thank you for sharing. :)
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 5th, 2009 06:04 am (UTC)
I'm not ready for it, either. I wonder what comes after this~? I will be bored O______o"

However, thanks so much! Haha, yes, he is, but I like Koki, however.
And, for Kazuya having no one close, would be unrealistic, ne~?

Thanks so much for the comment! ^^