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17 June 2009 @ 08:41 pm
[Fanfiction:] Fade into the Background Chapter 16// PART I  

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Banner by [info]naomi0211

Title: Fade into the Background //You can't lose what you never had//
Pairing: Akanishi Jin X Kamenashi Kazuya (Akame to make it short XD) //KAT-TUN//
Genre: Romance, ANGST, lots of Fluff
Rating: NC-17 for this Chap
Disclamer: Do not own them. If anybody I'd like to own Ueda. But well... one can't have everything, right?
Summary: Kazuya is getting married and while watching him from the background Jin suddenly remembers their story. His thoughts are going back in time and he starts to regret and realize....
A/N: First of all: English isn't my mother tongue, but I tried my best and since I was living in the UK I'm pretty much used to write and speak it. But you're welcome to correct mistakes.

Okay, folks, believe it or not, I finally made it:
It's the Last Chapter.

I guess, I'd have a million things to say, but this would turn out very, very long, what I can't effort since the whole chapter is already twice as long as a usual one.

I just want to say that I really, really hope you guys will like the ending and everything about it.
That said, there's nothing left for me to say than:

Enjoy it!!!

Previous Chapters:
First Memory: A Winter Illusion
Second Memory: All I want for Christmas...
Third Memory: Broken Promise
Fourth Memory: Losing Faith
Fifth Memory: Confessions

First Flashback: Still on my Mind

Sixth Memory: Missing

Seventh Memory: Powder Happiness
Eighth Memory: Best Friends and Lovers
Ninth Memory: Treat me right
Tenth Memory: If I'd let you go...

Second Flashback: Lose Myself

Eleventh Memory: Over
Twelfth Memory: Be with you
Memory: What makes a Man

Third Flashback: Resistance
Fourth Flashback: Dreams


Last Flashback: Now and Then


As an idol you’ve got to see a lot of different places. And even though they didn’t often leave Japan, Jin was sure he had gotten to places he would not have gone to if he hadn’t become an idol.

Having their own TV show made it possible for them to actually see those places. It was different for concerts, because they wouldn’t have much time to see the cities then.

The only bad thing about that was that he couldn’t decide on his own when to go and with whom and what he actually wanted to do.

As they arrived in Okinawa the three days were already completely planned and scheduled.

They had done something similar before, but this time would be different, though.

It was summer, it was hot and sunny this time and they’d explore the beaches and festivals.

The cameras were not rolling yet, as they decided who would take rooms together. They weren’t really used to that, since lately they always had single rooms. What was a waste, Jin thought, at least in Nakamaru’s and Ueda’s case. He knew whenever they had to stay in hotels those two were waiting until everyone had gone to bed before one of them would sneak over into the other’s room.

Kazuya and he had always done the same back then.

However, since this would get recorded, they’d pair up for rooms, just for the fans’ sake and Jin had just one aim: Koki.

He couldn’t quite get it managed to share a room with Kazuya; he was sure that wouldn’t work out. But he also didn’t want Kazuya to share a room with Koki.

It had been a few months since the wedding and the whole disaster afterwards. Things had calmed down, no one was talking about it anymore and Kazuya was back to his normal work. He’d have a movie coming up in winter and before that Dream Boys. Nothing had changed, by now he had even CMs airing again.

Jin was quite happy for him. He had been worried Kazuya wouldn’t make it, but the younger one had fought and had made it back into his previous position.

There hadn’t been much time left for them, but since then things had changed between them. Kazuya was not avoiding Jin anymore and they were more open again. They managed to talk normally, sometimes had lunch or dinner together with the others. It wasn’t that awkward anymore.

But also, they had never been alone anymore for just a minute. It was always someone else around and their relationship was pretty much only superficial.

Even so, Jin was satisfied with how things developed. It had definitely become better and even though Jin wasn’t sure about Kazuya’s feelings about this, he wanted to build up a friendship.

By now, they had both silently admitted that they wouldn’t ever be lovers again, so Jin’s aim was to become important and irreplaceable for Kazuya in another way.

And that meant to make him spend less time with Koki.

“Okay, so we’re going to do Janken?” Kazuya looked at every one of them, as they stood together in a circle.

“Let’s do it like last time”, Nakamaru said. “Those three that are going to win are out and have each one room.”

“And the losers are going to do a second round?”, Jin asked, a smirk appearing in his face. “And the loser is going to have to stay in a room with Junno?”

“There’s no need to do a second round”, Ueda said. “The three who won can decide then whom they want to stay with.”

They all agreed to that and after saying “Ready, go” they started to play the game.

Nakamaru and Kazuya won at the first attempt and Koki at the second. No one questioned it as Ueda got over to Nakamaru without a single word. It was obvious they would share a room.

“You choose first”, Koki said to the youngest. “You won at the first try.”

Kazuya looked at Jin for a second and gave it a quick thought. He actually wanted to share a room with Jin. It would have been most comfortable with Koki, most likely, but that was out of question. So, he would have picked Jin, but he wasn’t quite sure whether being all alone with him would lead to problems. They both didn’t know exactly where they were standing right now and it was probably best to keep things up the way they just were right now. Superficial and carefree.

“Let’s go then, Taguchi”, he said finally and turned to get to their room.

Jin didn’t show a single expression in his face and just followed Koki to their room.

It was an old fashioned, traditional inn with hot springs in the back yard. Of course, all of them were planning to take a bath there this evening. Jin was looking forward to relax a bit, because the day of filming would be really tiresome.

After they had brought their personal belongings to their rooms, they were all told to gather in the dining room for a meeting. Jin and Koki came there first and sat down at a table facing the opened doors to the garden.

It was hot, but an air conditioner was making it bearable in the room. From outside they could hear crickets making their frequent noises and a slight breeze was moving the leaves of the trees.

“It’s so idyllic”, Koki said.

“A bit too idyllic for me”, Jin said and turned his head to him. “But it’s just about twenty minutes by car to the next city.”

“To do what there?”

“Tomorrow we start filming at only two in the afternoon”, he explained. “I’ll be checking out the clubs there tonight.”

Koki just frowned at him.

“Why don’t you tag along?”

“No, thanks”, the younger one smiled and turned to look at the garden again. “I’ll be enjoying the hot springs and a massage and will go to bed then.”

“How boring”, Jin stated and rested his arms at the table. “Don’t you want some fun?”

“I’m not up for it today.”

In that moment, Nakamaru and Junno came in and sat down to them. Jin decided not to ask them about the evening. Going out with Taguchi was not fun and he was sure Nakamaru and Ueda would want to spend their time differently from him.

“Where are Ueda and Kame?”, Koki asked.

“Tatsuya is calling the woman who is taking care of his dogs. Apparently, he had forgotten to tell her about what they need to get to eat for lunch or something.” Nakamaru shrugged his shoulders.

“Kame was organizing his things”, Taguchi just said.

Shortly later, a lot of staff members came in and prepared everything for the filming. They’d get explained what they would actually do the next few days and would then leave to do the filming for the first day.

They’d stay all together and would just walk down to the beach where they would have a beach volleyball contest with some people they organized as a challenger team.

Kazuya and Ueda joined them and they started filming.

After that was done they left the inn and Jin caught up the space to Kazuya, walking casually beside him for a while.

“About this evening…”, he started then and Kazuya turned his head to him. The camera was filming Nakamaru and Koki who had walked ahead. “I was thinking about getting out.”

“I want to take a bath in the hot springs”, Kazuya said and smiled.

“Me, too”, Jin said. “But after that.”

The younger one blinked, slightly confused. “Well, then. Have fun.”

“I thought, you know… You’d probably want to come with me?”

Kazuya knew Jin enjoyed going to clubs, dancing, getting drunk and partying until morning. But that wasn’t really his thing. Kazuya wasn’t the type for that. “Ah, well…”

“Come on”, Jin gave him a smile. “It’d be boring all alone.”

Kazuya knew he couldn’t say no. He didn’t want to. But it was Jin and he wasn’t able to reject Jin. If Jin wanted him to come with him, he’d follow him. Kazuya was sure, Jin wasn’t aware of this, but it was simple like that.

And in a way, Kazuya was happy Jin had asked him. He knew he hadn’t asked Nakamaru or Taguchi for sure, Jin was picky whom he’d take along.

“Okay, then I’ll come with you, I guess.”

Jin’s smile got wider and for the first time in months he dared to lift his hand and touch Kazuya’s shoulder. It was a light touch, with no means or intentions. Just the way friends did. “It’ll be fun. I promise!”



“Ah, this feels good”, Koki sighed as he sank into the water.

Junno next to him nodded in agreement, glancing at Ueda who came in next.

“It’s been years, since I’ve last been to a hot spring”, the older one said and leaned his head back against a stone, rubbing one hand over his wet arm.

“Where are the others?”

“Yuichi had problems to get out of his yukata and as for Kame and Akanishi…” Ueda shrugged his shoulders and opened his eyes. “They weren’t in the showers or changing room yet.”

Koki looked up, as Nakamaru came out of the building and slid into the water next to Taguchi. No one followed and it seemed there wasn’t anybody still inside.

The moment Koki turned away again, Jin entered the changing room. He wore his yukata loosely and fidgeted just for a few moments with the obi to take it off. He tied a towel around his hips and started to fold up his things, as the door slid quietly open and Kazuya stepped in.

“Oh, you’re not out yet?”

Kazuya shook his head. “No, I was having a nap.”

The older one nodded understanding and put his yukata to a small case. As he turned again, he saw Kazuya with his back to Jin, fidgeting with his obi and obviously having problems to open it. After all, Kazuya’s was properly arranged. He watched it for a while, until he noticed Kazuya wouldn’t make it and got over then.

Gently he got a hold of Kazuya’s wrists and ignored the way the other one slightly jumped and made a surprised noise.

“I’ll help you with that.”

Slowly, Jin started to open the tie and unfold the fabric. He felt Kazuya first stiffen and then shiver, and for a second his hands stopped.

It had been a stupid idea. Why did Kazuya react like this? Jin swallowed thickly, but tugged the obi off of Kazuya’s waist. Pulling himself together he held it up to the younger one then and smiled. “There you are.”

Kazuya didn’t raise his head. He nodded and managed a quiet “Thanks”, before he gripped the fabric, turned again and got completely undressed. He didn’t want Jin to see his head was burning. He felt like something in his cheeks was pounding.

Jin had undressed him several times, but Kazuya had noticed that getting undressed from a yukata had something different to it. He really hoped Jin hadn’t taken any notice of what an impact that simple action had had on Kazuya.

Jin didn’t pay much more attention to him. As soon as Kazuya had turned away from him, he had faced the door, since he was sure, seeing Kazuya getting undressed wouldn’t help his situation.

He had probably been too quick about it. They both weren’t as far as being around each other like this again. Seeing Kazuya like this made Jin remember things, made his body remember and long for it.

Pictures of undressing Kazuya from a yukata popped up in Jin’s head and he had to admit, it was sexier than every memory of undressing Kazuya he had ever had.

Without another word Jin left the room to shower quickly, before Kazuya would follow.

Only, when Kazuya came out and entered the hot spring, their eyes met for a second, but Jin managed a calm smile.

It was easier around the others. Everyone would talk casually; nothing was different between them then. They were all just band mates, all of them were friends.

“Are we going to film the dinner tonight?”, Nakamaru asked, as he turned and put his chin onto a rock behind him.

“Listen for once in a while, Yuichi”, Ueda said calmly and threw him a look from the other side of the basin. “This evening is off; tomorrow we’re going to film all that stuff inside the inn.”

Junno sighed and sank deeper into the water. “I hope the menu tonight is good. I’m hungry.”

“I guess, I won’t have that much. We’ll be eating later.” Jin was next to Nakamaru and smirked at him, as he saw the older one had drifted away. He immediately sprinkled him with water, but Nakamaru didn’t wake up, so he lost Jin’s attention.

“We?”, Koki asked.

“Kame is coming with me.”

Koki turned his head to Kazuya who was next to him and busy with helping Ueda to dry his hair. “You’re going to the clubs with Jin?”

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders and handed Ueda the towel. “Why not?”

Koki shook his head. “It’s just untypical for you.”

They exchanged one of those looks and Jin had the urge to go over and pull them apart from each other. They were too close and the way Koki put his hand to Kazuya’s shoulder didn’t make it any better. Small water drops were rolling down Kazuya’s soft skin from Koki’s finger tips and their chests almost touched.

Jin had to pull himself together and only reached his hand out.

In the next moment, Nakamaru’s head was pressed under water and the oldest started to struggle his arms and legs to get up again, but Jin pressed even harder.

Taguchi next to them started to laugh and so did Koki, turning away from Kazuya and clapping his hands in amusement. The younger one just threw a worried look at Ueda who sighed and got up then.

“Jin”, was all he said; still calm. He grabbed Jin’s arm and pulled him up, so that Nakamaru could lift his head out of the water; he gasped for air.

The other two still laughed and Jin chuckled, as well. He didn’t even try to fight Ueda, because he knew he’d lose.

“Limit your bullying to that in front of the cameras”, Ueda just said and let go, before he returned to his place next to Kazuya.



As usual, Kazuya thought as he got dressed, while dinner everyone had already forgotten about it. Nakamaru never really got mad at Jin for being so mean. It was like a game between them and it was rather rare that Ueda was interfering.

Taguchi was downstairs with Koki; they were both having massages, so he was alone in the room.

Jin had been giving him strange looks today. It felt like the older one was observing all of Kazuya’s steps. And he reacted especially then when Kazuya was having interactions with Koki. It was as if Jin was jealous, but at the same time, he knew that couldn’t be the case.

After all, Jin managed the whole situation much better than Kazuya. He was really caring and eager for their friendship. Jin really put a lot of effort into this.

For Kazuya it was more difficult. Of course, he had been the one who had asked for a friendship, but he had imagined it to be easier. In point of fact, he had wanted that friendship because he knew another relationship between them was not possible. This way he had wanted to make sure Jin wouldn’t disappear from his life; from his private life. They’d still work together in the band, but Kazuya also wanted Jin to be present in another way.

He had always been present and the brunette couldn’t imagine what it would be like if they’d stop caring for each other in that way.

But he had really imagined it to go smoother. Being friends was actually quite troublesome for Kazuya, since he had realized that he misinterpreted Jin’s actions.

Whenever Jin would throw him a look, would ask for his state of health or his opinion, Kazuya was seeing more in that. He wanted it to be more, actually.

That’s why he could not have said no as Jin had asked him out. Of course, Koki was right, it was unusual for Kazuya to agree, but Jin was putting so much effort and rejecting him was the last Kazuya wanted to do.

As he was done, Kazuya left the room and walked down the corridor to Koki’s and Jin’s. He gently knocked and waited, then he sneaked in.


“I’ll be right there!” Jin’s voice came from the bedroom and Kazuya waited at the door. As the older one appeared he gave him a slight smile. “Let’s go then.”

By now the night was pitch-black, but still warm. “You’ve ordered a taxi?”, Kazuya asked as they left the main entrance of the inn. He got in first and turned to Jin then.

“It’s easiest this way.”

“Ah.” He nodded and leaned back then. “Aren’t you usually going with Yamashita?”

Jin looked out of the window. “Usually. With him and Ryo-chan, sometimes Yuu is going with us, as well. Whoever has time.”

Kazuya frowned at that. He didn’t think he was in that league, but he didn’t say anything about it. “So, you’re just not used to go alone”, he concluded.

Jin didn’t turn to him. He was often going alone. By now, he could show up on his own in one of his usual clubs, there would always be some people he knew. This was just because he wanted to have Kazuya near by; he didn’t want to leave him alone with Koki. “I guess.”

They remained silent for the rest of the drive and got off in a street near by.

“It’s not cool to get off right in front the club”, Jin explained and Kazuya couldn’t help but giggle. “What are you laughing at?”

“That’s just so typically you”, the younger one said and caught up to walk next to Jin. “Thinking about such details.”

“It’s important”, Jin countered, but smiled. “We have to keep an image, don’t we?”

“Well, I guess, I don’t have an image when it comes to this.”

Jin snorted. “Of course you have. You are the one who is not going to clubs, but only to lonely bars.”

Kazuya put a pout on his lips. “That’s not true.”

“It is.”

They dropped the topic as they arrived at the club. Jin had looked it up as the most popular around, so he expected it to be fun. “They say this one’s playing good music.”

Kazuya smirked. “Means Eminem in your case?”

Jin just threw him a look, but didn’t answer, as they entered.

It was dark inside, the music was loud, but, Kazuya had to admit, right. Most likely exactly what Jin liked. There was a huge rostrum for the DJ and lounges were separated from the dance floor.

Jin leaned in to Kazuya, his lips getting close to the younger one’s ear. “Let’s get over there to that huge lounge with the nice sofa.”

The red one, Kazuya thought. Of course, it was a red one. But he nodded and followed Jin through the masses to the other side. Kazuya stood behind as Jin talked to one of the security, then he got up first as Jin turned to him and connoted him to go ahead.

He sat down, looking down at the people on the dance floor. Mostly women were staring up at them; of course they had recognized them. But Kazuya pretended not notice and turned to the waitress as she brought a drink. He thanked her and looked at Jin then.

“I quickly ordered while I was talking us into this lounge.”

“You’re so used to this”, Kazuya mumbled and shook his head as Jin looked at him questioningly, because he couldn’t hear the younger one.

For a while, both of them remained up there. Jin was having a drink after another, while Kazuya was rather restrained. They were acting their roles, as usual. The cool idols, not caring for the ones beneath them; having fun in their class.

“You see, you’re missing a lot of things. You should come with us next time.” Jin leaned in to Kazuya and the brunette could feel his breath close to his ear again. It made him shiver having Jin that close, because it made his body remember things. “It’s much better with more people around.”

So, after all, Kazuya thought, this was quite boring for Jin. Kazuya didn’t quite know what he expected him to do, but this was just unfamiliar to him. “I’ll probably do that”, he answered, though.

Jin smiled and then got up. “That’s a good song!”

“Is it?”, Kazuya asked and laughed a bit, as Jin started to dance. He really had his cute moments and right now Kazuya realized how much he had missed it when Jin had been like that around him. Not serious and cool, retarded and careful, but only himself.

“Let’s go dance.” Jin pointed his head in the direction of the floor.

“Ah, no, it’s okay. You go, I’ll stay here.”

“You’re sure?” Jin performed a few moves and made Kazuya laugh. “It’s really a good song.”

“Then don’t waste your time and get down there as long as it’s still playing.” Kazuya followed Jin with his eyes as the older one walked down to the floor. He took another sip of his drink and sighed. This was probably just the beginning of the night for them. Jin had only started; that was for sure.

Kazuya smiled, as he saw how everybody made space for Jin first, but shortly after the girls came close. Of course they did and Jin was obviously enjoying it. But he kept his distance. Kazuya noticed Jin was looking up to him for several times, as if he wanted to check if Kazuya was still there. Raising his glass to Jin he nodded and got a grin as an answer.

The song changed and so did Jin’s mood. He definitely got into it and Kazuya couldn’t quite tell, whether it was just the music or also partially because of the alcohol.

But it was not just Jin; the whole atmosphere changed. By now it wasn’t a few girls anymore who had gathered around him, it was almost every girl in that club.

But, Kazuya thought and leaned in closer, taking a huge sip from his drink this time, Jin didn’t really bother about them. Except for that one.

She was giving him those looks. Kazuya had seen them from several eyes by now; some women were just able to do them so perfectly. That upward glance towards him was an invitation and Jin took it without hesitation.

Ignore it, Kazuya told himself. That was how things were going, that was just normal. They would dance, flirt and Jin would turn away.

That was how Jin was playing the game, wasn’t it?

Even so, Kazuya couldn’t help but feel it burn inside of him. He didn’t like the sight at all and that bothered him. It disgusted him how they were dancing close, how Jin’s hand was holding her hip. The way she threw him a glance over her shoulder and smiled--- it was so cheap in Kazuya’s eyes. It was obvious what she was up for and he didn’t like those kinds of women.

They suddenly stopped and Kazuya frowned as he saw how she leaned in to speak into Jin’s ear. Jin bit his lower lip and just threw Kazuya a glance before he turned and left with her.

Kazuya felt his stomach going upside down as he watched them walking out of one of the back doors. Was Jin serious about that? Did he really leave with a stranger?

Trying to calm down about it, Kazuya leaned back and drank the rest of his glass. He kept an eye on that back door and tried not to dash out and follow them.

He knew he was plainly jealous, but besides that he was concerned. This would bring Jin into trouble, that’s for sure. People would sell this to the press.

He remained in the lounge and as the back door opened again after about fifteen minutes, Jin came back in alone. His hair was messy, his shirt was wrinkled, his gaze was dazed.

And he made his way back to Kazuya.

He tensed and held his eyes on Jin as the older one climbed the steps up to him and sat down again.

Kazuya tried to ignore him, to ignore the smell of alcohol and perfume.

“We need another drink”, Jin just said and took Kazuya’s arm to pull him closer. “You’re too far away, Kazuya.”

“You’re the one who is too far away”, Kazuya said and bit his lip immediately.

Jin shrugged his shoulders. “Okay.” He shifted closer.

Now the younger male could smell the perfume perfectly and as he raised his eyes to Jin’s face he wondered if he had really done it. “Where have you been?”

“Just out for a moment. Getting some fresh air.”

“Your hair is a mess.”

“Is it?” Jin touched it and tried to bring it back into order with his hands.

It screamed in Kazuya’s head. The questions wanted to get out. “What did you do?”

“No one saw us, don’t worry.”

He swallowed thickly. Was Jin really like that? Did he really have the guts to do it that quickly in a damn back yard of a club? “You really…?”

“Hm?” Jin looked at him and his eyes seemed clearer than before. They were still dazed, but Kazuya was sure it was the alcohol. He knew they looked different when they were dazed from lust. Oh God, why did he remember so well?

It hurt; just thinking about Jin could act like that hurt. “Did you… with her…?”

Jin still didn’t seem to understand, but then he got it and gave Kazuya a surprised look. “I’d definitely take more time than five minutes, Kazuya.”

“Fifteen”, Kazuya said and got up. “It was fifteen minutes.”

“I’d even take more time than that. What do you think?”

“I don’t know.” The younger man shook his head. “I don’t really know what to think of this.”

Now, Jin stared up at him. He knew that expression. He knew it very well; Kazuya didn’t have it very often, and probably Jin was the only one who had ever really seen it.

“Kazuya…”, he started and frowned deeply. “You’re jealous.”

For a moment Kazuya stared at him; then he gave him a snort and grabbed his bag. “I’m not.” With that he turned and walked down the steps as calmly as he could to leave the club.

Jin quickly got up, too and got off of the lounge to pay, then he followed Kazuya outside.

Luckily, the younger one wasn’t gone yet, but a taxi was just arriving, so Jin hurried up and got in as well.

Kazuya threw him a look, but didn’t say anything.

They both remained silent for the ride, since they both knew it was unwise to discuss it in the car.

Only, when they got off and Kazuya had paid the driver, Jin spoke up again.

“You really are unbelievable.”

“Are you saying.” Kazuya just answered. “I was not the one who had a quickie in the back yard, Jin.”

“That’s none of your business, is it?”, Jin asked and they both didn’t do any attempt to go inside.

So, they would end up fighting again, Kazuya thought and raised his eyebrows. “Both our faces will appear in a gossip rag tomorrow, I guess.”

Jin sighed. “I told you no one saw us.”

“Can you tell for sure? I guess you were focused on other things, weren’t you?”, Kazuya wanted to know.

For a moment Jin didn’t answer, then he stepped forward. “This is not fair.”


“I didn’t do what you think I’ve done. Just to let you know.” Jin buried his hands in his pockets. “But even if I had done it, you have no right to be jealous.”

“I told you I’m not jealous”, Kazuya said coldly. “I’m worried because you’re so stupid to do something like that in public.”

Jin ignored the last part. “I had to watch you getting engaged, Kazuya.”

“That has nothing to do…”

“I had to watch you getting engaged and almost married and now you are jealous because of something like this?”, Jin interrupted him. “That’s not working.”

Kazuya turned his head, avoided Jin’s gaze.

“We both agreed on being friends. And as a friend of mine you just don’t have a right to behave like this. To get jealous, Kazuya.”

“I am not jealous.”

Jin snorted. “But you definitely behaved like that. And I won’t let you make me feel like that again. That story is over between us; I owe you nothing.”

Kazuya turned his head again and stared at Jin. That was definite. He swallowed thickly and managed a nod. “I didn’t think anything else.”

“Well, then.” Jin walked down the path to the door and held it for Kazuya. He couldn’t directly look at the other male. Of course this had been a lie, but if he wanted to make their friendship work he had to tie down all those other feelings in him. He had to make sure there weren’t feelings like those between them anymore. “If that’s the case, then you just worry too much.”

Kazuya gave him a look and he wasn’t sure if Jin could see that he was hurt. He walked past him and didn’t turn around once more, before he silently slid into his room.

“You’re quite early”, Koki said, as Jin stepped into their room.

The older one gave him a confused look. “You’re still awake?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t quite calm down.” Koki sprawled out on his futon. “Was the club lame?”

“It was nice.”

“Why are you already back then?”

Jin shrugged his shoulders as he took off his shirt. “Kazuya wanted to leave.”

For a while Koki didn’t answer. “So, Kame didn’t like it.”

He knew it wasn’t a question, but Jin answered, though. “Not really. It probably was a bad idea to tag him along.”

“But he was looking forward to it.”

Jin turned to him. “He did?”

Nodding, Koki sat up again and arranged his shirt a bit. “He said it had been a while since the two of you had done something together.”

Something other than to fight, Jin thought; that was true. Whenever they had been alone in the past few years, they had ended up fighting.

“However”, Koki just said and covered himself, as he curled up under his futon. “As long as you guys had fun. Turn of the light later, okay?”

Jin just nodded and turned away again.

Fun? Well, it had been fun up until… until he had disappeared with that woman. That wasn’t really usual for Jin; he didn’t do that usually when they were out. He knew his limits; as an idol he couldn’t go too far.

But in a way, he had wanted to prove himself that he didn’t care for Kazuya in that way anymore. That he could do those things with Kazuya watching. As if he wanted to prove himself, but also Kazuya that he was over him.

What he definitely wasn’t.

It tugged on his nerves that Kazuya had reacted like that. He had been hurt and jealous, so he definitely had still those feelings for Jin.

That made it more difficult again.

He had wanted to stay in Kazuya’s life; to be important to him. To accomplish that, Jin had been sure that he could only have a friendship with Kazuya, since having a serious relationship--- one between lovers--- had definitely failed between them.

Friendship, Jin thought, as he got into his own futon. That was a bad joke; they both had known from the beginning it wouldn’t work.

So, why even try?


Thank you very much for reading. 
Continues here.



Place: home
Mood: satisfiedsatisfied
Music: Tegomass- Hanamuke
blaue_luciferblaue_lucifer on June 17th, 2009 10:04 pm (UTC)
NOOOO!!! i wan a happy ending !!! *sobs*
but it was really good!
i just wan a happy ending...DX
Shaina: Ueda sweetyumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 01:36 am (UTC)
*löl* I want one, too~
That's not the end of the story~ Just have a look at the end of this post again, there's a link to the second part of the chapter ^.~

Thanks for reading! ^^
scornedloverscornedlover on June 19th, 2009 09:30 am (UTC)
Whoaiii!! >.< Badbad Jin!! Wai... and it's great that this fic will be going in a while!! :D
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 19th, 2009 01:03 pm (UTC)
Thanks for leaving a comment here as well ^_^
I'm really glad you liked it! <3
romapiromapi on November 21st, 2011 09:13 am (UTC)
thanks for the update.

ne, Kazu-chan is jealous. lol