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17 June 2009 @ 08:43 pm
[Fanfiction:] Fade into the Background Chapter 16// PART II  

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Title: Fade into the Background //You can't lose what you never had//
Pairing: Akanishi Jin X Kamenashi Kazuya (Akame to make it short XD) //KAT-TUN//
Genre: Romance, ANGST, lots of Fluff
Rating: NC-17 for this Chap
Disclamer: Do not own them. If anybody I'd like to own Ueda. But well... one can't have everything, right?
Summary: Kazuya is getting married and while watching him from the background Jin suddenly remembers their story. His thoughts are going back in time and he starts to regret and realize....
A/N: First of all: English isn't my mother tongue, but I tried my best and since I was living in the UK I'm pretty much used to write and speak it. But you're welcome to correct mistakes.

Chapter 16 Part II and Epilogue!  

Enjoy it!!! <3

Previous Chapters:
First Memory: A Winter Illusion
Second Memory: All I want for Christmas...
Third Memory: Broken Promise
Fourth Memory: Losing Faith
Fifth Memory: Confessions

First Flashback: Still on my Mind

Sixth Memory: Missing

Seventh Memory: Powder Happiness
Eighth Memory: Best Friends and Lovers
Ninth Memory: Treat me right
Tenth Memory: If I'd let you go...

Second Flashback: Lose Myself

Eleventh Memory: Over
Twelfth Memory: Be with you
Memory: What makes a Man

Third Flashback: Resistance
Fourth Flashback: Dreams



Ignoring each other for the most time of the next day, they made it work.

Apparently, Kazuya was still mad at Jin and everyone noticed, so they all tried to cheer the whole atmosphere up to make it look like everything was normal for the cameras.

It was late afternoon as they all gathered in the dining room of the inn; every one of them wearing their yukata.

Jin had a fan, moving it lazily since he felt hot. It was too warm outside, dazzling hot and Jin didn’t look forward to move around in the yukata for the whole evening. He preferred Bermuda shorts and a shirt.

But they’d go to a Matsuri and of course they had to go in yukatas.

He threw Kazuya a quick glance, not letting the other one notice it. He was damn pretty, Jin had to admit. The brown hair was tied up into a knot with pins. Not all of his hair got in, so some loose strands were framing Kazuya’s face. He appeared just so elegant dressed up like this. Other than the rest of them--- except for Ueda, probably--- Kazuya had something with him that made him fit into this perfectly.

As they walked down into the village, Jin went ahead with Ueda; the others were slightly behind them.

“I love this!” Ueda smiled happily. “Going to a Matsuri with everyone, this is so much fun!”

“It hasn’t even started yet”, Jin reminded him.

“But we rarely do such things together”, Ueda answered, not the slightest bit less excited than before. “Oh, I know!” He turned around and waited for the others to catch up. The camera was moved to his direction. “Lets all have some competitions today!”

Junno immediately jumped on it. “We have to! Who catches the most goldfishes?”

Ueda nodded and went ahead again, apparently impatient to get there.

Kazuya smiled at him, since it was rare to see Ueda like that. He usually was more of the passive type, so seeing him like this was pleasant. It made them all feel excited, too.

“He’s such a kid.”

Everyone turned to Nakamaru and they stared at him for a moment. Jin was the first one to burst into laughter, then the others joined him.

Ueda just turned and said: “At least I’m not a whiny kid” and grinned at Nakamaru who pouted at that response.

As they reached the village, they gathered together and went to the entrance of the festival.

For a while they stood just together and watched what was happening.

Koki was the first one to join the traditional dances and the rest of them kept watching him getting into it. They had built a circle around a small band that played a song on traditional instruments. Koki stood between two old ladies and copied their moves; quickly learning them.

Jin saw Kazuya laughing hard at the weird dance, clapping his hands in amusement and couldn’t help a warm and affectionate smile. This was the way he liked to see Kazuya; he had always been like this. This was not for the cameras; it was an honest smile, real amusement.

Even back then, when they had been all alone he had used to do that. While watching TV or playing a game, when Kazuya had been amused he had always reacted like that.

It was a pity that by now Koki was the one who could make Kazuya laugh so hard. Jin realized that he wasn’t okay with that. He wanted to be the one again; the one Kazuya would always show that side to.

Jin turned his head as Taguchi tugged at his sleeve. “Let’s get some of that ice, Jin!”

He looked over to a stand were they were selling flavoured crashed ice and nodded. “I want some strawberry ice.” He then turned to Ueda and Nakamaru. “How about you?”

He went off with Junno to get the ice for everyone and returned with three cups. Trying to act nice he went over to Kazuya who was still watching Koki. “Is Mango flavour okay?”

Kazuya looked up to Jin, then at the ice and managed a nod. “Oh, sure. Thanks.”

Jin held the other two and pointed one of them at Koki as the younger one looked over to them. Koki nodded and held three fingers up, as if he was asking for three more minutes to stay in the circle.

“Then I’ll eat his, too”, Jin just said and glanced at the camera.

They did several of the games as they walked along the path between different stands. Ueda and Nakamaru bought matching necklaces and got teased from Koki, while Taguchi apparently aimed to try all food that was offered.

Jin stole a takoyaki roll from him and ran ahead then, ignoring Junno’s “Oi! Akanashi!”

He stopped at a stand with the traditional fishing games. In one basin there were goldfishes while in another one were coloured balloons filled with water. In a third basin were all kind of things; small balls and blinking toys.

Jin waved the other boys over as they caught up. “Let’s fish some.”

Everyone gathered around the basins and gave it a try. Nakamaru failed at the first attempt to catch a goldfish and Kazuya watched him as he moved his head closer to Ueda’s and asked which one he would like to have. Ueda smiled at him and pointed at one of the balloons.

Kazuya turned his head, looking at Jin then who was busy trying to get some of the colourful small balls next to him. Koki was beside him, trying to get a toy.

“Ne, Koki!”

The older one looked up at Kazuya. “What?”

A smile appeared on Kazuya’s face. “I want that orange, shiny thing!”

Koki started to laugh and had a closer look at the basin, finding something similar. “Okay, then I’ll get you the orange, shiny thing.”

Pleased, Kazuya smiled and noticed Jin’s confused look. He turned away, focusing at the goldfishes again.

Jin watched him for a little longer and then turned to Koki who was next to him and seriously concentrated on getting something for Kazuya.

What was that about? Why did those two act like a couple? And why was he the only one being confused about that?

“Got it!” Koki raised his hand, a small orange ball in his hand. He got up and hurried over to Kazuya, handing it over.

“Thanks so much, Koki!” Kazuya happily looked at it and Jin had to swallow as he saw the happy face. What was so special about that? Kazuya turned to the camera and presented his gift. He shook his hand and the orange ball started to light up.

After they all had caught something they went on. Jin was using his water filled balloon like a jojo, but misused it every now and then to hit Taguchi or Nakamaru. Kazuya was all happy with his shiny thing, Ueda had a blue balloon which he was lazily pitching in his hand and Taguchi had a goldfish in a small bag and was talking to it.

They gathered up around a bank as it was already dark and almost ten. Ueda and Kazuya sat down and they stared up to the sky. They all had stopped talking and as the fireworks started they were impressed and joined the excitement everyone shared around them.

Jin had to force himself not to look at Kazuya as the fireworks drew pictures in the night sky. The younger one’s profile was pretty as he stared up, his lips slightly opened, the eyes big in anticipation and excitement. The strands of hair had gotten slightly messy through the night, but he just looked even more perfect this way.

Turning his head away, forcefully though, Jin looked up at the fireworks again, tried to concentrate on their beauty and to forget about how much he longed for Kazuya.

He had to face that no matter what, that chapter was over.

The cameras were turned off as the fireworks had ended and they all got up.

“I’ll walk around for a little longer”, Taguchi said and looked at them questioningly, but no one decided to tag along.

Ueda and Nakamaru decided to get back to the inn and Koki went with them.

“Well…”, Kazuya cleared his throat and took a step away from Jin. “I’ll have a walk for myself and go to bed then.”

Jin nodded and turned to walk around for himself, as well. He peeked over his shoulder once more and saw Kazuya walking off in the other direction. He sighed and brushed his hair out of his face, then his gaze fell to the stand with the basins again.

Checking the small bag he had with him, he decided that he wouldn’t get calm again unless he tried, so he went over, paid and got to his knees then to fish for another price.



Kazuya sighed as he sat down in the soft sand. The beaches down here were really beautiful--- even more at night. The sea was calm and quiet; the waves were moving against the shore in a steady rhythm. Forth, back, forth back.

Kazuya’s eyes fell closed and he smiled as he lay back and stared up to the sky.

He shook the orange ball in his hand again and looked at the lights, putting it aside then. He’d probably fall asleep here tonight; it felt peaceful and safe. But that was probably not a good idea, since they’d all worry about him if he didn’t return to the inn.

He looked over to the lights of the village, noticing the noises had gone smaller. The Matsuri was over by now and people had gone home.

Closing his eyes, he enjoyed the sound of the waves and nearly fell asleep, as suddenly he heard someone call him.


He sat up quickly and stared at the nearing person in disbelieve. He remained in his spot, didn’t move at all, just stared.


The older one stopped a few meters from him. For a moment they just looked at each other, then Jin pointed at the sand. “May I join you there?”

Kazuya looked down and then up again. “Go ahead.”

Jin sat down and looked at the water. He didn’t say anything, so Kazuya turned his head again and stared into the darkness, too.

“About yesterday…”, Jin said then and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” The brunette smiled slightly. “You were right; it’s none of my business.”

Jin just shook his head. Then he faced Kazuya. “Give me that orange thing.”


“Give it to me.” Jin held his hand out, looking at the other one expectantly.

“Why?”, Kazuya wanted to know.

“Just give it to me.”

Frowning, Kazuya grabbed it from beside him and put it onto Jin’s palm. “And now?”

Jin stood up and walked towards the water. He swung his arm and then threw it as far as he could. As he realized what Jin was about to do, Kazuya quickly got to his feet and gripped Jin’s arm, but he was too late.

“What the hell are you doing?”, he asked angrily.

Jin took the younger male’s hand from his arm and held it, before he put something into it. “You can have this one.”

Kazuya frowned and looked at the small thing in his hand. It was the exact same one as the orange--- just in red. “What is this about?”

Jin just shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t like how you were so happy about getting something from Koki.”

Kazuya stared at Jin’s frame for a few seconds. Then he lowered his gaze to the red ball in his hand and slightly started to shake it. As the lights started blinking, Kazuya couldn’t help but smile.

It was red.

“Weren’t you the one who said in our relationship was no space for jealousy?”

Jin turned, but avoided looking at Kazuya directly. “I just said that you had no right to be.”

“But you have?”, Kazuya wanted to know.

About to answer that he wasn’t jealous, the older one realized that he plainly was. He had been jealous of Koki all the time; ever since he had come back from L.A. “I guess I don’t, do I?”

Kazuya sighed and let his hand sink, as he took a step forward. “You’re an idiot.”

Jin turned his head to Kazuya to reply, but next thing he noticed were Kazuya’s warm and soft lips pressed to his. He froze, he stared and couldn’t react. Kazuya’s lips gently moved against his and golden brown eyes stared up into his, challenging his.

For a moment, Kazuya drew back and pressed his lips together, looking at Jin in expectation of a reaction.

“What was that for?”, Jin wanted to know.

“For you being a fool”, Kazuya answered with a slight smile. “Did you really get jealous at Koki?”

Jin shrugged his shoulders and permitted himself to lick his lips, catch the taste of Kazuya on them. It hadn’t changed; he wanted more of it. “You acted like a happy kid who got the toy he had wished for for Christmas.”

“It felt a bit like that”, the brunette answered.

Jin’s expression got darker. “Because it’s from Koki?” If that was the case, how could Kazuya have kissed Jin just now? That was cruel.

Kazuya sighed and shook the new ball now, smiling at the light. “No. Because it woke up old memories.” He looked at Jin and lifted his hand in which the ball was blinking. “But I’m happy about this.”

Jin hesitated. “Are you?”

Kazuya nodded. “Jin”, he said then and faced the water again. “I was jealous yesterday. To be true, it drove me insane to see you with that woman or to think about what you’ve done out there.”

Jin felt his heart beat racing up and tried to keep calm. “I’ve noticed”, he managed to say in his indifferent voice, though.

“I guess that whole plan with being friends doesn’t work.”

And there he lost everything again; he had really worked hard to make it work, but after all, they couldn’t manage, couldn’t maintain it. He just nodded. He had realized it as, hadn’t he?

“I still love you”, Kazuya said silently. “That’s why.”

Jin slowly turned his head and stared at Kazuya. Did he just really say that?

“And with you being like this, like you are right now--- as if you were jealous of Koki…” The smaller male searched for words, shook his head in frustration, because he couldn’t find them. “That makes me hope for more, but apparently it isn’t more.”

Jin still stared at him.

Kazuya noticed and managed a short laugh, awkward and embarrassed. “I feel pretty clumsy right now.”

Jin slowly shook his head and then reached out his hand to take Kazuya’s. He leaned in, closed the distance between them and drew Kazuya near, into his embrace. “You’re actually doing quite well.”

Closing his eyes, Kazuya buried his face at Jin’s neck and sighed. “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t quite sure what he was apologizing for, but Jin didn’t question it, so he left it like that. Probably for the fact that they had been fighting for so long, or that he had gotten engaged, that he had thought about marriage or for everything of it.

Jin leaned back and placed a kiss to Kazuya’s forehead; then he kissed his path down his temple and jaw to Kazuya’s lips. He brushed them together, let the moment last for a while, before he nipped at those soft lips.

Kazuya sighed, as he opened his lips and let Jin slid his tongue into his mouth, touching his. Their kiss deepened and they both got out of breath as they finally broke apart.

Jin put his forehead to Kazuya’s and for a moment they stared into each other’s eyes.

“God, how I missed you actually returning my kisses.”

Kazuya managed a laugh and folded their fingers. He licked his lips and unaware of his effect on Jin he whispered: “I missed everything about it.”

Jin swallowed thickly and just kissed Kazuya once more. Aware of where they were he pulled back then and sighed heavily.

“Just why did you have to choose Taguchi as a room mate?”

Gently laughing, Kazuya turned and let his hand slide into Jin’s. “Let’s not rush into anything.”

Jin swallowed as he watched Kazuya’s back; his eyes got stick at his exposed neck and Jin really wanted to rush. He had been longing to be close to Kazuya for what seemed like an eternity. But he knew Kazuya was right. They had just found to each other again; they should try to walk in a slow pace.

Walking down the beach to get back to their inn, they both fell silent. Their tangled fingers held tight to each other and they occasionally looked at each other, exchanging slight smiles.

“Ne, Jin”, Kazuya said then and as they walked by a row of changing stalls, he stopped. “Things haven’t really changed since back then, have they?”

Jin looked at Kazuya for a second and pressed his lips together. Of course they hadn’t. But that was only the situation, their state and surrounding. “It has changed.”

Kazuya looked at him in anticipation.

“It’s still not right to be together, but it’s been a long time Kazuya, almost three years and the only thing I’ve realized through everything that happened is that I can’t be without you.”

Kazuya tightened his grip around Jin’s hand and lifted it to his lips to place a gentle kiss to their folded fingers. “It would be prudential to leave it as is it, not to be together like this. For everyone else, it would be prudential.”

Jin looked at Kazuya, at their hands and then pulled Kazuya close again. “But not for us.”

Kazuya sighed. “We really could have avoided all this if you just had realized that way earlier.”

Jin laughed and slightly poked the younger one’s side. “Cut it out.”

Tracing his lips over Jin’s neck, Kazuya nuzzled closer, remained at the sensitive spot under Jin’s ear and felt the other one shiver slightly. He had missed that reaction, the feeling of Jin tensing in his arms and enjoying Kazuya’s affection. In a way, it only felt right to do such things to Jin.

Jin’s hands wandered up Kazuya’s back and he tugged him down to his knees, robbing him another kiss. His hand lying at the brunette’s neck, Jin pulled him into the kiss, shoved his tongue deep into Kazuya’s mouth, without leaving him any chance to return it.

Panting, Kazuya drew back and held his chest to get some breath. They had to be careful. Kissing like that on an open beach wasn’t very wise, after all. Even though it was late at night, someone could probably spot them.

Jin raised his head, as he suddenly noticed rain drops falling down. He just managed to get to his feet again, before the rain started to pour down on them and he laughed. “Not again.”

Kazuya got up again as well and tugged Jin’s hand. “Let’s hurry back to the inn.”

The older one agreed, but as they started to run, he noticed the changing stalls behind them and changed his mind. Without warning Kazuya he changed his mind and tugged him over, and into one of the stalls.

“Ah”, the brunette smiled. “That’s a good idea. We can wait here until it’s getting better.”

Jin nodded and sat down at the bench while Kazuya remained at the door and stared out to the beach. “It’ll probably just be a quick shower.”

Jin watched Kazuya closely and noticed water drops dripping from his hair. One was running down his temple and jaw and dripped from Kazuya’s chin then. 

They both remained silent again, then Jin got up and walked over to Kazuya. The younger one turned to him and smiled and Jin did the first thing that came to his mind, lifting his hands to Kazuya’s hair.

He drew the pins out and let them fall. When the weight of it tumbled free, he combed his fingers through it. His eyes on Kazuya, he wrapped the slightly wet hair around his fist and gently tugged it.

“Hopefully not”, Jin said and brushed their lips together.

Those lips, the older one was sure, were perfect. Soft and full, warm and generous. He felt a quick tremble from Kazuya as his arms wound around Jin, as his body pressed to his own. Kazuya didn’t yield, didn’t soften, instead he met Jin’s slow, patient assaults with one of his own.

Jin’s lips found their path down to Kazuya’s throat and he tasted the skin there, heard the purr of approval.

As he eased back, he let his fingers dance over the alluring line of Kazuya’s collarbone and noticed the anticipation in those vivid eyes.

Jin wanted to see them dazed and heavy again; see them go blind.

Watching them, he let his fingers trail down to the chest over the soft, wet fabric and glided them over it, while his thumb lightly rubbed, rubbed to tease the nipple beneath.

Kazuya’s breath got caught in his throat, released as he shivered and he lifted his hands to tug Jin’s yukata open.

The older one knew his heartbeat skipped, but his own hands made the journey almost lazily to the knot at Kazuya’s back, tugging it open in one go. The fabric fell and in the next moment, Jin shoved his lover’s yukata open.

The move was so sudden, so unexpected, Kazuya couldn’t quite anticipate or prepare. Their lips met again and the kiss extended. While their lips brushed, pressed, rubbed, his hands came up Jin’s shoulders and then shoved at the fabric until it dropped away.

Jin trailed his hand down Kazuya’s side to the waistband of his underwear. The flesh there was warm and the muscles flick as Jin’s fingers hooked into the band, gave an easy tug.

Without breaking their sweet kisses, they turned to the other side of the stall and Jin pressed Kazuya down to the bench to sit. His gaze skimmed down Kazuya’s body and his lips curved into a smile as his eyes came back to Kazuya’s.


He didn’t say anything else and Kazuya couldn’t help but swallow thickly. His mouth went dry. He tried to say something clever or careless in return, but his throat was completely dry and he couldn’t think of anything else, since he could barely find the wit to breath.

It was ridiculous.

As Jin leaned in to kiss him again, touched him again and drew him close, Kazuya had to remind himself that he was actually good at this; actively good, not just the type who went limp and let the other one do all the work.

He reached out his hand and fumbled at the waist line of Jin’s underwear.

The older one sat down next to Kazuya and cupped his cheek, looked into his eyes. “Kazuya, you’re shaking.”

Pulling his hands back, Kazuya leaned in and nipped at Jin’s lips. “Shut up”, he just answered between kisses and made Jin laugh. “I’ve already mentioned before that I’m a little clumsy today.”

Jin just laughed more and pressed Kazuya to the wall behind him, taking another deep kiss from him while his finger brushed over Kazuya’s nipple and drew noises of pleasure out of him. “Sexy”, he corrected. “What you are is just stupendously sexy.”

Unable to answer Kazuya just let his head fall back and Jin took the invitation to press his lips to the soft skin of his throat. He caressed it with his kisses, his tongue and teeth; left spots, wet and burning.

Moaning, Kazuya’s nails trailed over Jin’s back, left him marks and scratches as he gasped in pleasure. Jin pressed Kazuya to his back and let his lips slowly move downwards over his belly and waist.

“Jin…”, the younger male sighed and rolled his head. His hand tangled into the strands of dark hair and lightly tugged it. “Please.”

Again, Jin hooked a finger under the waistband of Kazuya’s pants and tugged. Kazuya lifted his hips, arched to him and Jin smirked. “You act as if you haven’t had it in ages.”

Kazuya managed a pout and this time his hand wasn’t fumbling at all as he reached it out for Jin’s hip and tugged down the fabric. “It’s been three years.”

“Didn’t you..?”

Kazuya just pulled his arms around Jin’s neck and placed another kiss to his lips. It was soft and gentle this time, full of affection. “Three years since it had felt like this, Jin.”

Unable to resist the sweetness, Jin lifted Kazuya slightly from the bench and removed the last remaining fabric between them. As their bare skin touched, he shivered and moved his hand up again to press it against Kazuya’s throbbing erection.

Immediately, Kazuya arched and gasped, his eyes fell closed and he tried to hold back his moans.

“I wonder if it still works; even though it’s been such a long time”, Jin whispered near Kazuya’s ear and felt the other one tense. “What do you think?”

Slowly, Kazuya pressed against Jin’s arms and forced him to sit up. He rose as well and looked at Jin with serious eyes. He wanted it; so badly and with all his heart.

From outside he could hear the rain dripping against the roof and door and he swallowed. It calmed him and he licked his lips, before he leaned in and brushed the hair out of Jin’s face.

“Just make sure it won’t hurt. It’s been three years.”

Jin let go of the breath he had held in his throat. “I will”, he promised and took Kazuya’s wrist to press a kiss to his palm.

Kazuya nodded and fell back to the bench again, let Jin continue. The older one knew how to do it, Kazuya was aware of that. His hands wounded around Jin’s back again as the older one leaned in and kissed his chest once more.

From now on, Jin thought and moved his hand over Kazuya’s thigh, they didn’t need words anymore. The younger one trusted him and he wouldn’t disappoint him. He crouched between Kazuya’s legs and wrapped his hand around the hard shaft, while kissing and licking his way down Kazuya’s belly.

Glancing at his lover’s face, Jin licked the fingers of his free hand and then brought them down to Kazuya’s entrance. The younger one’s breath hissed, he arched against the touch and bit his lip.

His breath uneven and fast, Kazuya tried to get hold of something and all he could do was to clench his fingers around the wood of the bench as Jin slid a finger inside him. A quiet cry fell from his lips and he tensed.

Knowing how to sooth Kazuya and make him relax, Jin shifted and titled his head to lazily lick Kazuya’s length. He took his time to let the younger one get used to his finger and distracted him with his lips and tongue.

They continued in their slow pace. Jin took his time to move his finger gently and carefully, before he added a second one after a while.

Kazuya threw his head from one side to the other and pressed his lips together, tried to hold back his cries and moans.

As Jin pulled his fingers back Kazuya had calmed down completely. He was still panting, his chest lifting in deep breaths and his eyes were dark and heavy.

Jin leaned over and once more kissed Kazuya, felt the other one lazily return it, answering it with slow and gentle moves of his lips and tongue.

The kiss became more urgent. The cool air of the small room went hot, and thick as smoke. Jin had almost troubles to properly breath and when the need became a blur, he slipped inside Kazuya.

And watched his eyes go blind.

Gripping his lover’s hands to anchor himself, to stop himself from simply plunging, pushing and bulleting by the aching pleasure to release, Jin started to move to thrust into Kazuya with a slow rhythm.

Kazuya’s fingers tightened on the older ones’ and exactly that pleasure glowed on his face with each long, slow thrust.

One of Jin’s hands reached down again and wrapped around Kazuya’s length, stroking it in the rhythm of his thrusts. Kazuya arched, licked his lips and their eyes met again.

“Stay with me”, Jin simply begged and Kazuya did, beat for beat.

Until it built and built in their ragged breaths, in the shivering of their bodies and Kazuya made a helpless sound. He closed his eyes and turned his head, cried out. His body melted under Jin’s as he came, released in Jin’s hand and cried out again.

Jin licked his lips and leaned in, pressed his face to that exposed curve of Kazuya’s neck.

And let himself go.

Panting, they remained lying on the bench. Kazuya’s hand was lazily stroking up and down Jin’s spine and he listened to the dripping of the rain against the wood above them.

Jin had pulled his hand from between them and held Kazuya’s hip, while the fingers of his other hand were still tangled with Kazuya’s. He gently moved his lips against his lover’s throat and over the marks he had left before.

Then he sifted, slipped out of Kazuya and nipped at his lips again. Still lazy, they both closed their eyes as they just remained kissing. Kazuya gently ran his fingers through Jin’s hair and sighed into their kiss, moving his tongue against Jin’s, playfully nudging it with his.

The kiss broke and as Jin slowly moved his head, Kazuya opened his eyes again and looked into those deep brown ones that were watching him now.

He smiled at him and felt Jin rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand. They stared at each other for a while, being completely satisfied with themselves; then Jin lowered his head again, placed a gentle kiss over Kazuya’s heart.

“Don’t you dare.”

Jin laughed silently and brushed his lips over the spot he had just kissed. He focused his whole attention on it; felt Kazuya shiver as he sucked the spot, licked it then until he could see another red mark.


The younger male opened his eyes again and titled his head. He felt Jin brushing his fingers over his chest. “Hm?”

Again, Jin lowered his head and placed another kiss over Kazuya’s heart, then he looked at him.

“I love you.”




It’s been such a beautiful winter day. It was cold outside and the sun was shining from an ice blue sky, lightening up the snow which reflected it.

When he was looking at the scene everything was shining so brightly this day. Especially that one person.

Kazuya sighed as he turned and looked at the bride. She was beautiful, dressed all in white, just as the groom. Everything was white, actually. It reminded him of that day not even a year ago; of his own wedding.

Being here still caused Kazuya horrible fears and he felt the urge to run, but that would have been impolite. After all, one of his best friends was getting married today and he was one of his best men.

As Koki came over and patted his shoulder, he turned and smiled at him.

“You seem quite lost.”

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders. “Just uncomfortable.”

By now Koki knew it was okay to make jokes about it; Kazuya was over that tragedy. He had found his own luck and could accept his mistakes. “Some bad memories?”

Grinning, Kazuya followed Koki inside and went over to Taguchi and Ueda who were sitting at a table with some other people.

“Ah”, Taguchi sighed and rested his chin on his hands. “Who would have thought, Koki would be the first one to get married?”

Kazuya laughed. “Well, I guess, everyone thought, I would have been the first…”

Ueda nodded. “And you were surely close to it.”

Nakamaru came over and sat down. “Jin just called!”

Turning his head, Kazuya stared at him. “Jin called you?!”

“No, not me”, Nakamaru answered and pointed at the married couple in the middle of the room. “Koki, of course.”

“Eh?” Ueda pouted. “And he didn’t want to speak to one of us?”

“He didn’t have much time, they’re in the middle of recording, he said. And I just happened to be close by.” Nakamaru threw Kazuya a troubled look. “Besides, he said, he wasn’t sure if we really want to talk to him.”

Kazuya didn’t answer; he pretended to be not listening and ignored the rest of the conversation.

Two months ago, Jin had gone back to America. This time, he hadn’t gone to take a hiatus from the band or to get away from Kazuya, but for a job. He was acting in a movie and that was recorded in the States.

What didn’t change the fact that he hadn’t called Kazuya just once since he had left.

“He said he’ll be back by the end of the week”, Kazuya heard Nakamaru say now. He decided he’d be not too excited about it. “And he told me to tell you, Kame”, the older one added “that he felt homesick.”

Kazuya looked surprised. “Eh?”

Nakamaru shrugged his shoulders. “He just said you’d understand.”

Frowning, Kazuya turned and couldn’t help the smile that was tugging at his lips.



It was late, when Kazuya came back home and opened the door to his apartment. He yawned and got out of his shoes, before he turned to the kitchen and filled a glass with water.

Jin was still the same idiot he had always been. Not calling Kazuya, just because he was homesick and would just feel worse after hearing his lover’s voice was no excuse not to call at all.

But, Kazuya had to admit, as he got over to his bedroom and sank onto the bed, in a way it was also just cute.

Two months were too long. He was really missing Jin, especially because he had just gotten used to have him around again, as Jin had decided to accept the role in that movie. Of course, Kazuya was happy for him, but he had to admit that it was tiring to always just miss the other one.

He frowned as the door bell rang and decided not to open up. He wasn’t in the mood for visitors, and besides that it was way too late.

Ignoring it, he stripped off of his shirt and just wanted to go to the bathroom, as the door bell rang again.

Shaking his head, he opened the door to the bathroom, but his mobile started to ring at the same time and he went back to pick up.

As he recognized the number, he quickly answered it. “So, finally you decide it’s time to call me?”

“Are you mad?”; Jin asked.

“You didn’t call me just once in the entire time”, Kazuya complained. “Of course, I am.”

Jin clicked his tongue. “Didn’t Nakamaru tell you what I told him?”

“That you are homesick?”


“And what?” Kazuya sat down on his bed again, enjoying to finally fight with Jin again. Even if it was just a small argument and not serious at all. He had missed it. “What was that supposed to tell me? That you didn’t want to hear my voice?”

“Calling you would have made me miss you just even more”, Jin said.

Grinning, Kazuya leaned back. “And since you know that it’s just a few days left, you’re okay with calling me now?”

For a moment, Jin didn’t answer. “No, it’s okay, since I know it’s just a few seconds left.”

“Eh?” Kazuya sat up.

“I’m in front of your door. And I know you’re there; I’ve heard your mobile ringing as I’ve called.”

For a moment, Kazuya just stared at his cell phone, then he got up and dashed to the door, still just wearing his jeans. As he opened the door, he saw Jin, leaning against one of his suitcases. He grinned as he noticed Kazuya was half undressed. “Did you strip off on your way to the door?”, he asked and shut his mobile close.

Kazuya rolled his eyes and took a step back to let Jin drag all of his luggage inside. “Did you come here straight from the airport?”

“I’ve planned to make it to the wedding, but they scheduled another meeting this morning, so I couldn’t make it”, Jin explained and took his jacket and shawl off.

Kazuya gave him a smile and nodded, then he took Jin’s hand and tugged him into the living room.

Jin stopped and pulled Kazuya back, embracing him tight.

“You’re cold”, Kazuya murmured, but returned the favour. His hands trailed over Jin’s back.

“It feels good to come home”, Jin said and his cold lips pressed against Kazuya’s neck, made him jump and shiver a little from the coolness.

Home was exactly here; where Kazuya was.

The younger one drew back and took Jin’s hands in his to rub them warm. Then he rose and kissed his lips. “Okaeri.”

Jin smiled, tangling his fingers with Kazuya’s and drew him close again to return the kiss.




A/N#2: Just in case, because I assume not everyone reading this is watching dramas.

The orange, shiny thing refers to the drama Tatta Hitsotsu no Koi in which Kazuya acted the lead character and Koki acted his best friend. The girl in the drama asked Kazuya’s character to get that shiny, orange thing for her while they were at a Matsuri.

So, I used it as a joke between Koki and Kame; Jin just didn’t get it XD

(But, honestly, if you haven’t watched it yet…. DO it! It’s really worth it; I liked it a lot….

Well, apparently, I like angst… ^^;;;..)


A/N#3: As for the Epilogue… I usually avoided using Japanese expressions, since I actually don’t like that.

But I thought Okaeri and Tadaima just both have something much warmer to them than the English translations.

That’s why I decided to use them in this case (and I guess, I did for the while fanfiction. At least that Tadaima popped up every now and then.)


Okay, everyone. I made it through. Oh my God. It’s done. I’m DONE! It’s really been a while now since I have started this fanfiction, huh? (I’ve even made a happy dance after I was finished writing today!!!!)

I know, I know, the ending is cheesy, but… heeeeeell, after all I’ve been through with those two, I just needed that. Really.

I hope you like it, anyway. Liked the whole thing, in particular.


I’m always happy for comments, no matter what kind of. Let me know what you’re thinking! ^^



Thank you so much for everyone who was tagging alone until the very end and always left me encouraging comments! I’m really, really grateful to you!



Other than that…. See you at my next project? <3


Place: home
Mood: satisfiedsatisfied
Music: Tegomass- Hanamuke
AJisS2ajiss2 on June 17th, 2009 04:21 pm (UTC)
it's done! ahhh~
it was a great ending, how they slowly came back together =)
and yes i suspected the THnK orange ball thing, hehe
thank you so much for the quick update, i actually thought it'd take like a month or something maybe xP
i hope you write another akame ff soon, because this was amazing
i cried and laughed and finally grinned like an idiot at this ending =D
AJisS2ajiss2 on June 17th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
oh yeah, i'm not fond of people using japanese expressions in fanfics either, but there are those "necessary" ones, like -san, okaeri, etc.
Untitled - yumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 01:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
2min2morrow_is_now on June 17th, 2009 04:36 pm (UTC)
it's... it's over?
well, at least they got back together.
all and all, quite angsty, but someone once said that the opposite fluff just kills. xD

i've loved the whole story, though i have shed tears more than once through out the whole story.

i'm looking forward to what you come up with next.
*does a happy dance for you finishing this so well xD*

Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 01:37 pm (UTC)
It is v.v
"At least" ... haha, you seem not too happy about the whole endinh *laugh* I'm sorry!!
It was quite angsty, ne~? But I think it had it fluffy moments as well ^^

Thank you so very much for always reading on! I'm glad you were satisfied with the story!
*joins the happy dance*

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ele_san: bellatele_san on June 17th, 2009 04:48 pm (UTC)
my first comment on this fic!
to be honest I don't like fics where kame and jin are who they are because I don't believe in this whole akame-thing. but this I really enjoyed to read. there were intense emotions, lively described. there were no tiring phases. please continue to write!
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 01:39 pm (UTC)
Ah! Have you been reading on all this time?
I'm surprised!! ^^
If you don't, may I ask why you've started to read this, anyway?

However, thanks for the praising words, I'm really, really honoured you liked it!
Thank you for the comment! ^^
Untitled - ele_san on June 18th, 2009 06:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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Aluakard: kamedoor2aluakard on June 17th, 2009 05:43 pm (UTC)
Just simple thank to you for this ending. I am really happy they could manage their relationship. At the end slowly understanding not only with the instincts but with the heart and mind.

Sorry that I don't comment in every chapter. But I prefer to read all the work, and only then comment.
And usually I wait till the author finish the fic, and only then read the whole thing. Your fic is my first multi-chaptered fanfic which I read on-going. First time I was facinated to such a degree that I started read without waiting the ending. You know, waiting for updates is so hard!

Thank you very much for you hardwork! I will wait for new fics. Good luck! Gambare!!!

P.S. That little orange thing from Tatta Hitotsu no Koi, I remebered it. :-) But red one is better!!! Good point!! ;-)

Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 01:44 pm (UTC)
Just simply thank you for this very lovely comment! ^^

Ah, don't worry about that! I'm glad you liked it and were looking forward to my updates. I'm honoured to read it had such a special meaning to you! *happy*
I know, I know, that's why I always tried to not take too much time to update, but I guess I failed for a few times.

Anyways, thank you so much for the kind words and praisings! I'll definitely write something again! ^^

PS: Hihi, isn't it? <33
she /ʃɛ/fionnakreuz on June 17th, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC)
It is a happy ending. Thank you for this. It was wonderful read. :) ♥
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 01:46 pm (UTC)
I promised, didn't I? ^^

I'm glad you liked it.
Thank you so much for reading on until the end! <3
arashiaddict246arashiaddict246 on June 17th, 2009 06:16 pm (UTC)
i have loved this story so SO much.
all the sad angsty bit made me cry but then in the end, even the happy parts made me cry. something about how they had been through so much and then tey were finally together with all those gentle kisses and such
i have just loved this utterly and completly.
thankyou so so SO much!
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 01:48 pm (UTC)
Ooooh, no, you even cried at the happy parts? *laugh* You must have been very relieved.
*shares a cookie*
I'm glad the gentleness came out of this, and you noticed. I was afraid there wouldn't be enough emotions in it, but reading your comment I'm relieved.

Thanks so much for reading! ^^
crovoxisikes ♥♥♥♥ 亀梨和也crovoxisikes on June 17th, 2009 08:47 pm (UTC)
i have a mixed feeling about this last chap..one side i don't want this fic to end coz it's soooo great but i'm just glad that finally they're together!!!!!!! i must say, i love all the chap~~seriously!! ^^ this is definitely one of my fav fic ^^ love how u manage to mix everything in..angst,romance,humor..this is so good!! ^^

i'm not fond of writers using japanese expression too, but THAT one is indeed necessary :)

hehe, btw, red shiny thing is WAAAAYYYYY better than orange :)
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 01:52 pm (UTC)
Aw, thanks so much! Saying it's one of your fave fics makes me suuuuper happy ^___^
I'm a little sad, though. It's strange because now I can't think about how to go on all the time. It's finished. But I'm very glad you liked the ending! ^^

Thank you so very, very much for reading! ^^
Michirulady_aenea on June 17th, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC)

That was just... BEAUTIFUL!
Thank you!!

I don't know if it's cheesy... I just loved it.. so sweet *_*

Thank you for sharing!!!
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 01:53 pm (UTC)
It definitely IS cheesy, but from time to time we all love that stuff, ne~? ^^

Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I'm very glad you liked it that much!!!
snow_meowsnow_meow on June 17th, 2009 10:55 pm (UTC)
thank you for the fic.
I am glad that it ended well.
Perhaps both needed time apart to grow up to make their relationship work.
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 01:54 pm (UTC)
Perhaps~ After all, it was a silent love confession after all as Kazuya ran from his wedding, wasn't it? They had to work it out ^^

Thank you for reading! I'm so glad you like it! ^^
msdesireenmsdesireen on June 17th, 2009 11:31 pm (UTC)
There were so much angst and AHHHHHHHH!!!
I swear I was crying at some point T-T
But I'm so glad they are back together!!!!

PS: I rmb the orange thingy!!! They sorta call it "their whale call", when the girl shine it, kame will shine his touch back...I was really surprised when jin got the red thingy for kame...I thought he would get the exact same one...but the idea is really original!!! Loved it!!! ^^
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 01:58 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, you really are completely into that story, ne~? You're comment makes me really happy!! ^^
I was really glad, too. After all, I felt so pity for them *laugh* I guess, I was too involved, too ^.~

Thanks so much for reading!

PS: Right, ne~? Hihi, that was really cute in the drama.
I remembered it when I was planning out that Matsuri szene and decided that Kazuya should have a red one from Jin, in any case ^^
kirei_shinigamikirei_shinigami on June 18th, 2009 12:06 am (UTC)
its the end already...
im so sad because i can't read more on this but its okay, im happy everything ended good
i really like this fic, this is very nice T.T
its like im watching a drama...
i want more...
i hope to read your next project soon
*cross fingers*
you really did a good job with this fic...absolutely my favorite.
Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 02:01 pm (UTC)
It is, indeed.

Haha, like a drama? Not at all!!! It's surely not good enough, but I'm very happy to read you liked it that much!!! ^^

I'll surely start a project again! ^^

Thank you so much for reading this!
puffie_hanchanpuffie_hanchan on June 18th, 2009 12:40 am (UTC)
heheh lol I am strange because I only read the final chapter and lol I love it very much :D *goes to read from the first chapter and will give a proper comment after that*

thank you ♥
puffie_hanchanpuffie_hanchan on June 18th, 2009 04:15 am (UTC)
this is a very awesome read XD the angst and the feelings in the story.... *flails* thank you again for sharing this with us ♥
Untitled - yumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 02:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
雅琳: Itoshiii~blazingeternity on June 18th, 2009 12:43 am (UTC)
Right now I'm speechless. Let me have this sink into the last holes of my brain. Let me get some sleep. Let me get back into normal life again.

Just know: With all my heart and all honesty in the world... I loved this. This story and this perfect, absolutely perfect ending.

Shaina: Tesshi OMG!!!yumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 02:05 pm (UTC)
I can't believe you honestly read this in the state you were in at that time *laugh*
Dear, dear... *snuggles*

I'm glad you liked it and this comment of yours makes me really, really happy!

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Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 02:07 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! I'm glad you approve of the ending ^o^ I was really afraid it was too... lame *laugh*

I'm really glad you liked the whole story and always took your time to read the new updates and leave a comment!!! ^^

Thanks a lot!
falling_petal01falling_petal01 on June 18th, 2009 03:16 am (UTC)
(T_T) It is sweet and sooooo beautiful!!!
Even though it took you a while to reply my msg and you've spent time writing such a beautiful story ^^

Love it love it love it lots ^^

Thank you for sharing this!!!

I will definately be waiting for your new project too!! <3

Shainayumiko_okahawa on June 18th, 2009 02:08 pm (UTC)
I'm soooo sorry about it, I know I'm really slow v.v
But thanks so much for reading on! I'm glad you liked it!

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